Why do you communicate? Generally, it’s so you can feel heard and understood. In relationships, communicating effectively helps you strengthen your bond and deepen your intimacy. Using effective communication skills can create healthy habits and a stronger connection. Below are 10 tips to help you communicate effectively and grow closer as a couple.
1. Stay Present in the Moment
When you are fully present when your partner is speaking, it helps them feel valued. To do this, you want to make sure that you look your partner in the eye, and that you are not distracted by your phone, the television, or your own thoughts. Bringing up past issues and resentments should also be avoided. Doing this takes the focus off of your partner, and can lead to rehashing old arguments and conflict. Staying present in the moment, helps you communicate effectively by keeping the focus on your partner and what they are trying to share.
2. Listen Actively
Active listening requires you to pay attention to what your partner is saying. This means focusing on the content, tone, and meaning of what your partner is trying to convey. When you actively listen, you gain a clearer understanding of your partner’s perspective which allows you to respond in a meaningful way and helps your partner feel like you get them.
3. Don’t Interrupt
Although this should go without saying, since it is rude to interrupt and doing so will probably lead to an argument. When you are not actively listening, you might instead be formulating what you are going to say next. You might then blurt it out before your partner is finished speaking. Most likely, your partner won’t appreciate this very much. If you are not sure if your partner is done talking, it’s a much better idea to ask than assume.
4. Repeat Back What You Hear
If you can repeat back what you heard your partner say, they will feel like you were listening. When you repeat it back, it is a good idea to paraphrase what was said to indicate that you understand the meaning. It is nearly impossible to do this if you aren’t actively listening, so paraphrasing what was said will help your partner feel heard, which can deepen your bond as a couple.
5. Ask For Clarification
After you repeat back what you hear, it can be helpful to ask your partner for clarification. Some things might be difficult for your partner to express or fully explain. Asking for clarification provides a safe space for your partner to open up further and share the deeper, perhaps more emotional context of what they are trying to communicate. Sharing deeply with one another helps strengthen your couple connection.
6. Pay Attention
Paying attention is not the same as listening actively, or staying present in the moment. Although you will need to do both things in order to pay attention. Paying attention means noticing not only what is being said or how it is being said, but also the context of what is happening. Maybe your partner is visibly upset and is looking for reassurance, understanding, or comfort. Paying attention to body language and other non-verbal cues helps you communicate effectively by helping your partner feel more understood.
7. Use “I” Statements
“I” statements can be used to keep the focus on your own experience and not your partner’s shortcomings. “I” statements express your understanding, beliefs, ideas, and feelings. “You” statements, in contrast, focus on the beliefs, ideas, and feelings that you attribute to your partner. “I” statements do not feel as judgmental and are not as likely to put your partner on the defensive which helps with your couple communication.
8. Show Respect
When your partner is discussing something that bothers them, especially when it is something you’ve done, it can be hard not to take it personally. Things like rolling your eyes, becoming defensive, and giving the silent treatment are disrespectful and create distance in relationships. While it is important to be respectful, it is equally important to expect to be treated with respect. If your partner is not being respectful, you should let them know this and take a time out if it continues. Setting a time, after you have both cooled off, to continue the discussion lets your partner know that you are interested in what they are saying, but they need to respect your boundaries.
9. Be Honest
It is important to be honest, even when what you need to say is difficult. While it is useful to pick your battles and not make everything an issue, it is essential that you bring up things that are bothering you that you are not able to let go. Staying silent builds resentment. This also includes admitting when you are wrong and apologizing. Sharing honestly, helps build trust which will keep your bond as a couple strong.
10. Use Compliments
Thanking your partner for sharing and letting them know that you appreciate their willingness to open up, can encourage your partner to share more. When you have something to say that your partner might find upsetting, pointing out the positive can help soften the blow. Telling your partner what you love about them helps them feel valued for who they are. Complimenting your partner often and pointing out the positive creates good feelings which leads to a stronger relationship.
Communicating effectively can keep your relationship healthy and happy. When you both feel heard and understood, it creates more trust in your relationship. Using these 10 tips can help you communicate more effectively and create a deeper couple bond.
