Trust issues can cause a lot of turmoil in a relationship. The constant questioning, suspicion, and disbelief can create conflict, defensiveness, and withdrawal. While trust issues can have a negative impact on your relationship, there are some things that can help. Below are some causes of trust issues as well as some ideas for improving trust in your relationship.
What Are Trust Issues
Trust issues refers to the difficulty in believing that others are capable of being honest, loyal, and reliable. The issues with trust tend to manifest most often in romantic relationships. If you experience trust issues, you may be unsure of who to trust, when to trust, or how much trust you should give your partner. This can lead to a lot of problems in a relationship. The person that struggles with trust may be suspicious, hypervigilant, and guarded. They may have difficulty accepting kindness and love, and may withdraw from the relationship leading to loneliness and more mistrust. Meanwhile, the partner of the person with trust issues may feel like they constantly need to defend themselves and prove their innocence and feelings for their partner. They may try to avoid the accusations by withdrawing from their partner and shutting down communication.
Signs Of Trust Issues
There are many different signs that may indicate that trust issues are a factor in your relationship. One common sign of those that struggle with trust is being overly suspicious. This includes constantly questioning your partner’s whereabouts, motives, and actions. Those that have trust issues tend to assume the worst, and have difficulty with forgiveness. They may be jealous, needy, and falsely accuse their partner of things they are worried might happen. When someone has trust issues, they may have a hard time committing to a relationship which can lead to isolation, loneliness, and depression.
Causes Of Trust Issues
Many experiences can lead to the development of trust issues, especially within an intimate relationship. When a person is betrayed by someone they love, through infidelity, lying, or abandonment, it can lead to difficulty with trusting others. Experiences of childhood trauma, such as abuse and neglect by a caregiver, can cause trust issues. If you grew up in a volatile household where there was a lot of fighting and tension, you may be more likely to experience trust issues as an adult. Trust issues are more common in those that have an anxious attachment style.
What Helps Trust Issues
When trust is an issue in your relationship, you may become guarded and withdrawn. This actually leads to trust eroding even further. In order to create a more trustful relationship, you need to feel like you are valued and respected by your partner. It requires letting down your guard and allowing your partner to really know you. Giving one another the benefit of the doubt, practicing forgiveness, and setting effective boundaries in your relationship can help create and maintain trust.
Communicate Effectively
To improve trust in a relationship it is important to communicate effectively. Effective communication requires active listening, paying attention to nonverbal cues, and not interrupting. When communicating effectively, one person speaks, the other person repeats what they hear, and the first person clarifies their meaning. This enables you to feel both heard and understood. Summarizing what your partner is trying to convey, enables them to know you are hearing them. It is important to make eye contact, put away distractions, and ask questions to help further your understanding, not to change the subject. If you are practicing effective communication skills, you are less likely to be defensive, which can help foster trust.
Set Boundaries
Boundaries are necessary in relationships, and effective boundaries can help build trust. There are many unspoken boundaries in relationships. For instance, if you hit me, I’m going to leave. However, it is important to establish clear boundaries when what is happening continues to hurt you. If your partner calls you a pet name that is hurtful to you and you don’t say anything, you will begin to resent them, which can damage trust. Instead, you can say when they use that name it hurts you and if they continue to do so, you will leave the room. When you can establish healthy boundaries in your relationship you can feel respected which can lead to a deeper level of trust.
Practice Vulnerability
While effective boundaries are essential in building trust and having a healthy relationship, it is also important to be vulnerable. Vulnerability refers to sharing who you are with another, including your thoughts, beliefs, ideas, and emotions, even if you might be rejected. When you are vulnerable with your partner, you are emotionally raw and there is a risk of being hurt. Without vulnerability in a relationship, you may not get hurt, but it is also difficult to feel truly loved. When someone really knows you, warts and all, and accepts you anyway, you can begin to put your faith and trust in them.
Practice Forgiveness
A relationship consists of two imperfect people trying to do the best they can. At some point, toes will be stepped on, feelings will be hurt, and trust will be questioned. Practicing forgiveness is a healthy part of any long term commitment. Forgiving the little offenses that occur in a relationship can help strengthen trust. Forgiveness is about letting go of the hurt and resentment you feel towards your partner when they have wounded you. If you choose to forgive, it does not mean that what happened is okay or that change isn’t needed, it simply means that you are making a conscious decision to let go of the pain and move forward. When there is an atmosphere of forgiveness, trust can flourish.
Although trust issues can occur in intimate relationships, there are things you can do to nurture trust. If the above tips are not enough, seeking couples counseling may help. When trust is strong, both of you can feel loved, cherished, and respected and your relationship can thrive.
