Spending time together as a couple away from other distractions is good for your relationship. Date nights can help you increase your intimacy, passion, and couple connection. When life gets hectic and work, children, and other commitments demand more of your time, you might be tempted to stop going on date nights. However, making a commitment with your spouse to go on regular date nights together can help keep your relationship strong.
Why Go On Dates
Committing to regular date nights can strengthen your relationship and can help deepen your emotional intimacy. Over time, it can be easy to fall into a routine in your daily life and your relationship. Work, kids, and social engagements can keep you quite busy. It might seem as though most of your conversations are about your schedules. While this can be common in relationships, you could begin to take your partner for granted. In order to keep your relationship strong, you need to spend time focusing on each other. When you agree to weekly date nights, you know you will have a set time to work on your marriage and communication, to keep your connection strong. Below are some date night ideas to get you started.
Establish Ground Rules
To make sure that your date night gets off to a good start, you will want to establish some ground rules. For instance, if most of your conversations revolve around your children, you can make a pact not to discuss the kids on your date. You could do this with any topic that you discuss often or that you fight about. This will force you to switch up the conversation. It will be helpful to decide who is going to plan the date, who will get the sitter, and who will make the reservations. Taking turns with these tasks is always a good option. You can establish rules around phone use, checking on the kids, and anything else that could interfere with the success of your date. Making these decisions upfront can help your date night run smoothly.
Keep It Simple
Your date night plans do not have to be elaborate. A picnic at the beach, a walk around the lake, or simply cooking a meal together can give you enough couple time to keep your connection strong. What you do together isn’t as important as your intention. Keep the focus on each other. Ask each other questions, and talk about your hopes, fears, and dreams. A simple date with your spouse can be quite magical and can help you maintain a loving relationship.
Go Out
Go out with your partner. Every now and then it’s nice to have a change of scenery. Plan a night out with your spouse. You can dress up and go to your favorite restaurant, go to a sporting event or concert, or visit a local museum. When you spend time with your partner doing things you love, it helps deepen your bond. It’s easier to take a break from your everyday worries and concerns and focus on each other when you plan a fun outing. Making an effort to go out together and do something you enjoy can help keep your relationship healthy.
Stay Home
While going out for date nights is important, staying home together can be just as beneficial. If you have a newborn, or time or financial constraints, you can have a date night at home. Put the kids to bed early or have a relative watch them and slow dance in the kitchen, watch a movie, or give your partner a massage. Talk to each other, and make sure to listen too. Who knows, you might even learn something new about your spouse. With a little effort, you can make your date night in just as enjoyable as your date night out.
Learn Something
Plan an educational date where you can both learn something. Learning something with your partner engages your brain in a different way that can be invigorating. You could take a cooking class, dance class, or a self-defense class together. Learning new things requires vulnerability. Being vulnerable with each other facilitates a deeper level of bonding. When you actively learn something new and fun, you can also feel closer to your partner. An engaging educational date can strengthen your connection as you stimulate your mind.
Try Something New
On your date night, get out of your comfort zone and try something new. Doing new things helps break the routine. This could be something as simple as trying a new restaurant, or something a little more daring like facing your fear of heights, with your partner by your side of course. You don’t want your date night to simply become another routine. When you are willing to switch things up and try something new, at least some of the time, your date nights will be more interesting and less predictable. If you try something new with your partner, you will most likely associate the challenge and fun you had with being with your partner. This can be helpful in any long term relationship.
Recreate Something Special
It is always good to try something new, but remembering a special time you experienced can also be a great way to reconnect. Recreating a special time in your past can help rekindle the positive emotions associated with that time. A little nostalgia can be quite romantic and good for your relationship. Recreating your first date or another special time can help you reminisce about the good you’ve experienced together. This enables you to feel those feelings all over again. Sharing these positive feelings again can enhance your bond.
These are just some of the ways you can use your date night to strengthen your relationship. If you are struggling to connect with your partner, couples counseling can help. Focusing on your relationship by making date night a priority can help keep your relationship strong and healthy.
Practicing gratitude is good for your mental health and emotional well-being. Gratitude can rewire your brain so you are more likely to focus on the positive. Although there are many benefits to practicing gratitude, sometimes it can be difficult to know where to start. Below are seven ways you can start practicing gratitude and experience the benefits of being grateful.
Why Practice Gratitude
When you practice gratitude, it has a positive impact on your mental health and emotional well-being. Your thoughts are very important. Focusing on the negative, which you are wired to do to stay safe, enhances the negative. When you shift your focus to the positive and are intentional about practicing gratitude, good feelings and happiness increases. Expressing gratitude releases the feel good hormones dopamine and serotonin. These neurotransmitters enhance your mood and make you feel good. Gratitude helps you bond with others and improves empathy. When you practice gratitude,symptoms of depression and anxiety significantly decrease and it is easier to manage stress. Making the practice of gratitude a habit can change the neural structures of the brain to cause you to feel happier and more content.
1. Focus On The Positive
Although it may be more natural to fixate on the negative; the hurtful comments, or the things that go wrong, focusing on the positive can make a big difference. When you focus on the positive, you will start to feel more positive. Instead of ruminating on what went wrong, intentionally think about what is going right. You can start small. Think about the good things in your life, or even the good that happened during the day. Allow yourself to smile about it and let your thoughts linger. Noticing the good and focusing on it can help you feel the good feelings all over again.
2. Keep A Gratitude Journal
Keeping a gratitude journal can be a great way to focus on what you are grateful for. Writing down what you are grateful for helps reinforce positive feelings. If you do this before going to bed, you might sleep better as you end your day on something positive. This is also something that you can read later to help you reflect on the good things in your life. When you focus on the good things that happened, it helps you be more aware of these things.
3. Practice Mindfulness
Practicing mindfulness, being fully present in the moment, can improve feelings of gratitude. When you are aware of what is happening around you, it is easier to tune into the things you are grateful for. Meditation can help bring your awareness to the present moment. If you are paying attention to what is happening and the feelings of gratefulness, you can experience the joyful feelings as they are happening as well as when you recall it later. Practicing mindfulness enhances the peacefulness of a vibrant sunset and the calming feeling of a loved ones embrace. This helps you feel grateful for the little things.
4. Feel Your Feelings
Spending time feeling your feelings can help you focus on your feelings of gratefulness. Although not all of your feelings are going to be positive, when you allow yourself to feel them, the positive feelings are enhanced. When you are aware of your feelings and are actively feeling them, you can experience greater joy. The more you focus on gratitude and the feelings associated with it, the more grateful you feel.
5. Share Your Gratitude
Share your feelings of gratitude with others. Let your friends and family know that you are grateful for them and why. Point out the positive qualities that you notice in others. If you only pay attention to the negative, that is where your focus will be. By switching your focus to your blessings, you will notice the good more and more. When you share what you are grateful for, you will help others and yourself feel more positive.
6. Be Consistent
Practice gratitude consistently. The easiest way to do this is to plan a time of day that you can focus on what you are grateful for every day. This can be done at dinner time, first thing in the morning, or before going to bed. It doesn’t matter when or how you do it, the important thing is being consistent. Consistency over time is what makes the practice of gratitude a habit that helps facilitate the positive changes in your brain.
7. Write To Someone
Write a heartfelt letter, text, or email to someone you are grateful for. You don’t have to send it if you don’t want to. The benefits come from reflecting and writing down what you are thankful for. If you do decide to send it, the person that you send it to will also experience the benefits of your gratitude. Sending a letter of gratitude is sure to make their day. However, simply writing down your feelings of gratitude for a person will help improve your bond and strengthen your feelings of empathy and connection.
Gratitude can make you feel good. The more grateful you are, the better you feel. Even if practicing gratitude doesn’t exactly come naturally, you can use the above tips to start switching the focus to what you are thankful for. Practicing gratitude is easy to start and is good for your overall well-being.
As a parent, you want your children to be happy, healthy, and successful. You probably also want your children to be kind and compassionate and to help those less fortunate. The holiday season is a great time to teach your children about need and ways they can help others. Below are some tips for helping your children understand and experience the joy of giving.
Why Give
Giving to others makes you feel good. In fact, research has shown that giving makes you happier than receiving. Humans are social beings who are wired to connect with others. Giving helps foster feelings of connection and empathy. Helping others releases oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine. These feel good hormones help boost your mood and create feelings of happiness. They also help counteract the effects of the stress hormone, cortisol. Giving freely and by choice stimulates the reward center, the mesolimbic area, of the brain. The more you give, the more you want to give. When you give to someone else, it helps improve your own emotional well-being. Since giving can be so beneficial, teaching your children about giving to others makes a lot of sense.
1. Talk About Need
Talk to your children about differences in financial situations, physical ability and emotions. It can be hard for younger children to understand the concept of money. Explaining that some people don’t make enough money to buy food or live in a home, can help them begin to grasp this concept. Discuss times when your child was sick and not able to do as much to help them understand how physical limitations could impact others. Emotional differences can be explained by discussing a time when your child was very sad or nervous and how these feelings can linger for some. When explaining these differences to your child, keep in mind their age and maturity level so you can explain it in a way they can understand.
2. Be A Good Role Model
When you practice kindness and generosity yourself, your child is more likely to practice this as well. Kids learn more by watching what you do, than by what you say. Let them witness the way that you give to others. Explain to your children who you are helping and why. If you are volunteering and it is appropriate, bring your child with you. When your children see you helping out a neighbor, or donating to your local food pantry, they begin to learn the importance and the value of giving.
3. Talk About Giving
While it is vital to practice what you preach, talking about giving is also important. If giving is a family value, you can discuss with your children why it is a value, what it means to your family, and how you give. Talk to your children about the ways you give of your time, money, and energy. Encourage your children to come up with organizations and people they would like to help. Discuss as a family the best way you can help. When your children have a greater understanding about giving and how they can be involved, it will be easier for them to practice generosity.
4. Involve Your Children
Although your children may not always be able to accompany you when you volunteer, there are a number of ways that you can involve them in the giving process. If you are making dinner for a sick neighbor, they can help you cook, or help you deliver the food. They can donate part of their allowance to a charity of their choice. When it is possible and appropriate for them to go with you when you volunteer, bring them along. If your church or school has a giving tree during the holidays, you can let your child choose a name and help you shop. Involving your child when you can, helps them experience the benefits of giving as well.
5. Volunteer As A Family
Look for opportunities to volunteer as a family. This way, even your very young children can participate. There may be volunteer opportunities at animal shelters where the younger children can help socialize the animals and you and your older children can help walk or groom them. You can make care packages for soldiers stationed overseas. Your younger children can write them letters or draw them pictures and your older children can pick out useful items to include. Volunteering together creates an opportunity to bond as a family while helping others.
6. Donate
Donate items that are no longer useful to you, but may be to others. When the seasons change, you and your children can go through your clothing and donate the clothes that are in good shape but no longer fit. Explain to your children why you are donating these items and how it might help others. Have your children go through their toys and donate the ones they no longer play with. When a child receives new clothes or toys, have them also choose some to give to others. This way they experience the joy of giving as well as receiving.
7. Spend Time With Others
Giving isn’t only about donating money. Spending time with others can be just as meaningful. Your child can visit with an elderly family member and help them complete some of their household chores. They can visit with neighbors who may be feeling lonely. If your child’s sibling is sick and not contagious, they can watch a movie with them or read them a book. Spending time with others helps children practice generosity while strengthening their connections.
8. Perform Acts Of Kindness
Performing acts of kindness is another way to practice giving. Children can perform acts of kindness in a number of ways. They can surprise a family member or friend with a sweet note or drawing. Instead of rushing through the door, they can hold it open for others. They can do one of their sibling’s chores. Something as simple as a heartfelt compliment can make someone’s day and create positive feelings for both the giver and the receiver. Acts of kindness can be performed by even very young children and is a great way to practice giving.
Teaching your children about giving will have long lasting benefits. By talking to your children, involving them in the process, and modeling generosity, your children will be able to better understand the importance of giving. When they understand the benefits of giving they will be more likely to give generously and compassionately.
Do you suffer from symptoms of depression during a certain time of the year, especially in the fall and winter? Are your symptoms having a negative impact on your emotional well-being and daily functioning? Do your symptoms significantly improve when the season changes? If you answered yes to these questions, you might be experiencing seasonal affective disorder (SAD).
What Is SAD
SAD is a type of major depression that occurs seasonally, mainly during the fall and winter. This happens around the same time of year for a period of at least two years. When the seasons change and spring arrives, symptoms usually improve. SAD is not just a mild form of depression, or the winter blues. SAD symptoms can be debilitating and can have a negative impact on your daily functioning. Although SAD can occur during the summer and spring, it usually occurs during the fall and winter when there is less natural sunlight. Symptoms of SAD tend to be most problematic during January and February.
What Causes SAD
Although the exact cause of SAD is unknown, there are some theories about the cause since it tends to occur most often during the winter months. Most of the theories revolve around the fact that there is less daylight in the winter. Since your body is exposed to less sunlight, disruptions occur. In the winter the days are shorter and the nights are longer, which causes an increase in the production of melatonin. If your body produces too much melatonin, you have a decrease in your energy levels and feel sleepy. When you have less sunlight exposure, your vitamin D levels can also decrease. The neurotransmitter that helps regulate mood, serotonin, can also decrease leading to increased symptoms of depression.
SAD Risk Factors
Even though anyone can experience SAD, it is more common in women than in men. In fact, SAD is diagnosed 4 times more often in women. Where you live can also increase your chances of developing SAD. Those that live far from the equator are much more likely to be diagnosed with SAD than those who live closer to the equator. If you have a family history of depression, you have an increased risk of experiencing SAD. Having depression or bipolar disorder can also increase your chances of being diagnosed with SAD. Although SAD can affect any age group, young adults have the highest rates compared to other age groups.
SAD Symptoms
Symptoms of SAD are those of major depression as listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). To be diagnosed with SAD, you must meet the criteria for major depression with seasonal onset and experience at least 2 depressive episodes in the previous 2 years at the same time of year.
Symptoms include:
Feelings of depression or sadness most days for most of the day
Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
Loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy
Having low energy
Sleep disturbances, difficulty sleeping or sleeping more than usual
Irritability
Changes in appetite, overeating or loss of appetite
Having trouble concentrating
Social withdrawal
Having frequent thoughts of death or suicide
SAD Treatment
Treatment for SAD includes medication and psychotherapy, as well as some treatments for the seasonal changes. Since vitamin D levels are often lower in those who are diagnosed with SAD, supplementation can be helpful for those with low levels. Light therapy is another popular option for those who experience SAD in the fall and winter. A light box can be used to help replace the diminished sunlight. Medications, such as SSRIs can be used to treat the symptoms of SAD. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help you learn to replace some of your negative thought patterns with more positive thoughts and behaviors.
What You Can Do
There are things you can do to help ease the symptoms related to SAD. Exercise regularly. Maintain a healthy diet. Keep up with your social activities. Try to get as much sunlight as possible. Practice meditation. Do things that you enjoy. Find an activity that you look forward to that you can practice during the fall and winter. If you can be more active and engaged when the weather turns colder, you can experience greater relief from symptoms related to SAD.
If you are experiencing SAD, help is available. You do not have to wait for the seasons to change to start feeling better. A combination of medication and psychotherapy can help improve your symptoms and your overall well-being.
When you and your spouse have different parenting styles, there may be many disagreements about how to raise your children. In fact, different parenting styles can cause major problems in your marriage and a great deal of stress for your children. If this is a problem for your family, there are some things you can do to more effectively cope with your different parenting styles.
Parenting Styles
There are four main types of parenting styles. These include authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved. Authoritarian parents have strict rules and punishments. They believe that children should be obedient and responsive to their demands. They tend to have a lot of rules with severe consequences. Authoritative parents, which are considered most effective, have rules that they want their children to obey. However, they are more flexible. They are also nurturing and forgiving when a rule is broken. Permissive parents make few demands on their children and are indulgent. They have low expectations of their children’s ability to have self-control and regulate their emotions. They are nurturing, communicative, lenient, and act more like a friend than a parent to their child. Uninvolved parents have low expectations, and place few demands on their children. Those with this parenting style tend to be detached from what is going on with their children.
How Different Parenting Styles Impact Families
If you and your partner have different parenting styles, your children will most likely know this and try to use it to their advantage. Conflicting parenting styles can cause confusion for children when they receive mixed messages. For example, if an authoritarian parent punishes a child for breaking the rules and their permissive parent ignores the punishment, the child can be confused. They may not know if the rule they broke is important and may not follow it in the future. Having different parenting styles can also lead to conflict with your partner. Arguments about parenting are a common problem for couples with different parenting styles. You may have difficulty having conversations about your children and how you want them to be raised. Although having different parenting styles can lead to conflicts for couples, there are some things you can do to mitigate this and instead find common ground.
Understand Your Own Parenting Style
When you are aware of your own parenting style, you can find ways to focus on the positive. That way, you can avoid some of the negative manifestations that can occur. Knowing your parenting style enables you to share with your partner your parenting expectations. You can let your partner know how you were raised and how you would like to parent your own children in a similar, or very different way. This can open up a discussion to help you consider your backgrounds and decide together how to raise your own children.
Establish Family Rules
Creating family rules, which include progressive consequences, is one of the best ways to be consistent with your children. This is true even if your parenting styles differ. When you create family rules that are in line with your values, everyone in the family understands the expectations and consequences. This way, even if the delivery is different, the rules and what happens when they are broken are clear. Since you create these rules and consequences together, you can share your views, beliefs, and styles so they can be reflected in your rules.
Support Each Other
Even if you disagree with how your partner is handling the situation, you can still support them. Present a united front and don’t allow your children to try to divide you. Don’t argue with your partner about their parenting in front of your children. If your partner has enforced a punishment that you don’t agree with, show support in front of your children and share why you disagree in private. Make sure to defer to your partner in their decision and learn the facts of what occurred when you are alone. When your children know that you will back each other up, it will be hard for them to try to pit you against each other.
Talk It Out Alone
If you disagree with your spouse, discuss it alone. Even if you want to let your spouse know you disagree immediately. Discussing it in front of your child undermines your partners authority. If your child feels that they can gain sympathy from you and avoid punishment, they will always seek you out when your spouse is trying to discipline them. This will put you in an awkward position and can cause arguments with your partner. When you talk to your spouse about your opinions and views alone, you are not put in the position of taking sides. You may not agree with your spouse, but your child doesn’t need to know this. When you discuss this in private, you can make a joint decision on the best way to handle things. This way you can reach a compromise on a new rule and consequence that works for both of you.
Practice Flexibility
Parenting styles may need to be adjusted due to your individual child’s needs, or development. If you are rigid in your views and beliefs, conflict with your child and partner are more likely to occur. The more flexible you can be with adjusting your parenting style, the easier it will be for you to effectively meet your child’s needs. Being flexible can also help you to better complement your spouse’s different parenting style. Then you can use the strengths and weaknesses related to your different parenting styles to your advantage.
Don’t Make One Parent The Bad Guy
Telling your child to wait until their father gets home, or that their mother is going to be mad at them will not help you be a more effective parent. This is true even if your spouse has an authoritative parenting style and your child behaves when you use this threat. Your child might begin to fear their other parent and only listen to you when you threaten to tell them. If you want to be able to effectively parent your child, you will need for them to listen to you and respect you. If you need your partner’s input in the situation, you can privately decide how to handle things with your spouse and then present a united front to your child.
Having different parenting styles does not have to ruin your relationship. You can use the above tips to help you manage your differences more effectively. If you are still struggling to find common ground, therapy can help. With some effort, you and your partner can parent your children effectively and have a peaceful relationship, even if your parenting styles are different.
