Practicing gratitude is good for your mental health and emotional well-being. Gratitude can rewire your brain so you are more likely to focus on the positive. Although there are many benefits to practicing gratitude, sometimes it can be difficult to know where to start. Below are seven ways you can start practicing gratitude and experience the benefits of being grateful.
Why Practice Gratitude
When you practice gratitude, it has a positive impact on your mental health and emotional well-being. Your thoughts are very important. Focusing on the negative, which you are wired to do to stay safe, enhances the negative. When you shift your focus to the positive and are intentional about practicing gratitude, good feelings and happiness increases. Expressing gratitude releases the feel good hormones dopamine and serotonin. These neurotransmitters enhance your mood and make you feel good. Gratitude helps you bond with others and improves empathy. When you practice gratitude,symptoms of depression and anxiety significantly decrease and it is easier to manage stress. Making the practice of gratitude a habit can change the neural structures of the brain to cause you to feel happier and more content.
1. Focus On The Positive
Although it may be more natural to fixate on the negative; the hurtful comments, or the things that go wrong, focusing on the positive can make a big difference. When you focus on the positive, you will start to feel more positive. Instead of ruminating on what went wrong, intentionally think about what is going right. You can start small. Think about the good things in your life, or even the good that happened during the day. Allow yourself to smile about it and let your thoughts linger. Noticing the good and focusing on it can help you feel the good feelings all over again.
2. Keep A Gratitude Journal
Keeping a gratitude journal can be a great way to focus on what you are grateful for. Writing down what you are grateful for helps reinforce positive feelings. If you do this before going to bed, you might sleep better as you end your day on something positive. This is also something that you can read later to help you reflect on the good things in your life. When you focus on the good things that happened, it helps you be more aware of these things.
3. Practice Mindfulness
Practicing mindfulness, being fully present in the moment, can improve feelings of gratitude. When you are aware of what is happening around you, it is easier to tune into the things you are grateful for. Meditation can help bring your awareness to the present moment. If you are paying attention to what is happening and the feelings of gratefulness, you can experience the joyful feelings as they are happening as well as when you recall it later. Practicing mindfulness enhances the peacefulness of a vibrant sunset and the calming feeling of a loved ones embrace. This helps you feel grateful for the little things.
4. Feel Your Feelings
Spending time feeling your feelings can help you focus on your feelings of gratefulness. Although not all of your feelings are going to be positive, when you allow yourself to feel them, the positive feelings are enhanced. When you are aware of your feelings and are actively feeling them, you can experience greater joy. The more you focus on gratitude and the feelings associated with it, the more grateful you feel.
5. Share Your Gratitude
Share your feelings of gratitude with others. Let your friends and family know that you are grateful for them and why. Point out the positive qualities that you notice in others. If you only pay attention to the negative, that is where your focus will be. By switching your focus to your blessings, you will notice the good more and more. When you share what you are grateful for, you will help others and yourself feel more positive.
6. Be Consistent
Practice gratitude consistently. The easiest way to do this is to plan a time of day that you can focus on what you are grateful for every day. This can be done at dinner time, first thing in the morning, or before going to bed. It doesn’t matter when or how you do it, the important thing is being consistent. Consistency over time is what makes the practice of gratitude a habit that helps facilitate the positive changes in your brain.
7. Write To Someone
Write a heartfelt letter, text, or email to someone you are grateful for. You don’t have to send it if you don’t want to. The benefits come from reflecting and writing down what you are thankful for. If you do decide to send it, the person that you send it to will also experience the benefits of your gratitude. Sending a letter of gratitude is sure to make their day. However, simply writing down your feelings of gratitude for a person will help improve your bond and strengthen your feelings of empathy and connection.
Gratitude can make you feel good. The more grateful you are, the better you feel. Even if practicing gratitude doesn’t exactly come naturally, you can use the above tips to start switching the focus to what you are thankful for. Practicing gratitude is easy to start and is good for your overall well-being.
Do you suffer from symptoms of depression during a certain time of the year, especially in the fall and winter? Are your symptoms having a negative impact on your emotional well-being and daily functioning? Do your symptoms significantly improve when the season changes? If you answered yes to these questions, you might be experiencing seasonal affective disorder (SAD).
What Is SAD
SAD is a type of major depression that occurs seasonally, mainly during the fall and winter. This happens around the same time of year for a period of at least two years. When the seasons change and spring arrives, symptoms usually improve. SAD is not just a mild form of depression, or the winter blues. SAD symptoms can be debilitating and can have a negative impact on your daily functioning. Although SAD can occur during the summer and spring, it usually occurs during the fall and winter when there is less natural sunlight. Symptoms of SAD tend to be most problematic during January and February.
What Causes SAD
Although the exact cause of SAD is unknown, there are some theories about the cause since it tends to occur most often during the winter months. Most of the theories revolve around the fact that there is less daylight in the winter. Since your body is exposed to less sunlight, disruptions occur. In the winter the days are shorter and the nights are longer, which causes an increase in the production of melatonin. If your body produces too much melatonin, you have a decrease in your energy levels and feel sleepy. When you have less sunlight exposure, your vitamin D levels can also decrease. The neurotransmitter that helps regulate mood, serotonin, can also decrease leading to increased symptoms of depression.
SAD Risk Factors
Even though anyone can experience SAD, it is more common in women than in men. In fact, SAD is diagnosed 4 times more often in women. Where you live can also increase your chances of developing SAD. Those that live far from the equator are much more likely to be diagnosed with SAD than those who live closer to the equator. If you have a family history of depression, you have an increased risk of experiencing SAD. Having depression or bipolar disorder can also increase your chances of being diagnosed with SAD. Although SAD can affect any age group, young adults have the highest rates compared to other age groups.
SAD Symptoms
Symptoms of SAD are those of major depression as listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). To be diagnosed with SAD, you must meet the criteria for major depression with seasonal onset and experience at least 2 depressive episodes in the previous 2 years at the same time of year.
Symptoms include:
Feelings of depression or sadness most days for most of the day
Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
Loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy
Having low energy
Sleep disturbances, difficulty sleeping or sleeping more than usual
Irritability
Changes in appetite, overeating or loss of appetite
Having trouble concentrating
Social withdrawal
Having frequent thoughts of death or suicide
SAD Treatment
Treatment for SAD includes medication and psychotherapy, as well as some treatments for the seasonal changes. Since vitamin D levels are often lower in those who are diagnosed with SAD, supplementation can be helpful for those with low levels. Light therapy is another popular option for those who experience SAD in the fall and winter. A light box can be used to help replace the diminished sunlight. Medications, such as SSRIs can be used to treat the symptoms of SAD. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help you learn to replace some of your negative thought patterns with more positive thoughts and behaviors.
What You Can Do
There are things you can do to help ease the symptoms related to SAD. Exercise regularly. Maintain a healthy diet. Keep up with your social activities. Try to get as much sunlight as possible. Practice meditation. Do things that you enjoy. Find an activity that you look forward to that you can practice during the fall and winter. If you can be more active and engaged when the weather turns colder, you can experience greater relief from symptoms related to SAD.
If you are experiencing SAD, help is available. You do not have to wait for the seasons to change to start feeling better. A combination of medication and psychotherapy can help improve your symptoms and your overall well-being.
The holiday season can be busy and exciting, and also stressful and lonely. Expectations can be high, and keeping it all together with a smile on your face can feel overwhelming. Even though the holidays can be stressful, there are some steps you can take to manage holiday stress so you can enjoy the holidays more.
Why The Holidays Can Be Hard
The holidays can be a difficult time for a variety of reasons. There are often high expectations about how they should go. Financial stress can lead to worry and feelings of guilt. It may be difficult to please everyone, and you may spread yourself very thin dealing with a lot of family obligations and social pressure. Maybe you suffered a loss, such as the death of a loved one or a divorce, and you are finding it difficult to face the holidays. It can seem as though everyone is having a perfect holiday season, except you. Perhaps you are unable to spend the holidays with your family and friends. You could be struggling with a mental or physical illness as well as feelings of depression, anxiety, isolation and loneliness. No matter why the holidays are difficult for you, there are some things you can do to ease holiday stress.
1. Have Realistic Expectations
It’s easy to fall into the trap of having unrealistically high expectations during the holiday season. Trying to create the perfect experience is exhausting and unrealistic, since you can’t control others. Maybe you envision a Thanksgiving meal with pleasant conversation. You could also picture your children politely taking turns opening their Christmas presents while expressing gratitude for each and every gift. However, when your grandfather and uncle get into a heated debate, and your 4 year-old has a tantrum under the tree, you could end up taking this very hard and may feel like the holidays are ruined. When you have more realistic expectations, it is easier to manage the small imperfections without letting them negatively impact the good parts.
2. Make Plans In Advance
The holidays are a busy time. There are a lot of events to attend, and there are plenty of things that need to be done. Sometimes, everything that there is to do can seem overwhelming. Making plans in advance is a good way to manage holiday stress. Decide where you are going to spend the holidays and what events you are going to attend. Schedule a time to do your shopping, cooking, baking, gift wrapping, and other activities. The more organized you can be, the easier it is to manage things.
3. Say No
Don’t be afraid to say no. You can pick and choose what you attend and what you are willing to take on. It’s not unusual to have more than one event to attend on the same day during the holiday season. Give yourself permission to say no when you need to. If it is too stressful to try and do everything, pick and choose. If someone expects something from you that you are unwilling or unable to give, you can say no. It is important to have strong boundaries during the holiday season. When you allow yourself to say no, your yeses become very meaningful. Remember, it is impossible to please all people all of the time.
4. Honor Your Feelings
It’s easy to believe that everyone is having a good time and enjoying the holidays. This may or may not be true. Because of this assumption, you may believe you shouldn’t feel sad, depressed, anxious, or lonely. This is definitely not true. You can feel anything that you are feeling. Remind yourself that your feelings are okay and then spend some time focusing on them and allowing them to be. If you are having a hard time coping, you can reach out to others or seek professional help.
5. Practice Self-Care
Make sure to take care of yourself. With so much to do during the holiday season, self-care is often last on the list. However, self-care is one of the best things you can practice to remain healthy and sane during this hectic time. Take breaks as needed, exercise, eat healthy most of the time, but allow yourself some treats, and do things you enjoy. Caring for yourself will give you the energy and stamina you need to effectively manage holiday stress.
6. Practice Forgiveness
The holidays can be a very nostalgic time. However, it is also a time when past resentments and disappointments can arise. At times, this can feel like a heavy burden. When this happens, finding a way to make peace with the past and forgive others can help you enjoy the holiday season more. This is also a good time to forgive yourself and start the new year with a clean slate. Forgiveness is a release and does not mean that what happened is okay. This is something that you do for yourself so you can let go and move on.
7. Keep It Affordable
Set a budget for the holidays and stick to it. If you are having a difficult time financially, the holidays can be stressful. You might feel overwhelmed with everyone that you have to buy for, and the amount of money you have available to spend. Coming up with a holiday spending plan can keep you from going over budget and having regrets. If you have a large family, you could suggest pulling names for the adults so you don’t have to buy for everyone. Instead of spending a lot of money on gifts, you could get together with friends and have a potluck, make homemade gifts, or plan for a future adventure that you can pay for over time.
8. Ask For Help
If you are feeling depressed, lonely, or overwhelmed, ask for help. The holiday season can be very busy for some. If you find yourself feeling anxious and overburdened, ask others for help. Ask your family members to babysit so you can get some things done. Invite neighbors over for a baking or wrapping party. If you are feeling isolated and lonely, reaching out to others can help. Attend church or community activities. Find meaningful ways to stay connected to loved ones that are far away. If you continue to struggle with feelings of depression or anxiety that are getting worse, you could seek professional help.
9. Practice Gratitude
Practicing gratitude can help you keep your focus on the good things in your life and what you are thankful for. When things aren’t going well, it can be easy to get caught up in the negative. By consciously practicing gratitude, you are choosing to focus on the positives instead. You could keep a gratitude journal and write down the three things you are most thankful for each day. When you practice gratitude, it can help ease your stress and lift your mood.
10. Start New Traditions
Starting new traditions can help ease holiday stress. Old rituals that are painful or no longer relevant can be replaced with new, meaningful traditions. If your family members have outgrown some of your usual holiday traditions, don’t be afraid to start new ones. This can also be helpful if you are running short on time and feel like you are in a holiday rut. As your life circumstances change, new traditions can be implemented to add more meaning. You could start a new tradition of spending the holidays with friends if you can’t be with your family. Volunteering as a family can be a good way to spend time together, while also giving back. New traditions can give you something to look forward to over the holidays.
The holidays can be stressful, but they can be managed more effectively with some effort so you don’t end up dreading them. When things feel overwhelming, follow some of the above tips. By focusing on some of the things within your control, you can effectively manage holiday stress.
Dealing with the highs and lows of bipolar disorder can be trying. The extreme mood changes can be hard to understand and even harder to live with. While you may feel out of control at times, bipolar disorder can be managed effectively with proper treatment. With effective treatment, the negative symptoms related to bipolar disorder can be mitigated and you can experience a rich and fulfilling life.
What Is Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar disorder is a mental illness characterized by extreme mood swings. Those who struggle with bipolar disorder experience mood changes from emotional highs, known as mania or hypomania, to emotional lows, known as depression. To be diagnosed with bipolar disorder you must experience at least one episode of mania or hypomania. The three main types of bipolar disorder include Bipolar I disorder, Bipolar II disorder, and Cyclothymic disorder. A Bipolar I disorder diagnosis requires at least one manic episode, that may include a psychotic break, often followed or preceded by an episode of major depression. To be diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder, you need to experience at least one episode of major depression as well as at least one episode of hypomania, but no episodes of mania. For a diagnosis of Cyclothymic disorder you need to experience several episodes of hypomania over a two year period, as well as episodes of depression, but not major depression. During the course of the illness, there can be periods with mania or hypomania and periods of depression. There can periods of time with no symptoms. It also possible to experience periods with symptoms of both mania and hypomania occurring at the same time.
Mania and Hypomania
Mania and hypomania include many of the same symptoms. However, mania is much more severe than hypomania. With mania, you could experience a psychotic break that requires hospitalization and includes hallucinations, delusional thoughts, and paranoia. Mania and hypomania can have a negative impact on your day to day functioning and relationships. Symptoms of mania and hypomania include, high energy, restlessness, grandiosity, inflated self-esteem, decreased need for sleep, racing thoughts, being easily distracted, and taking on multiple projects. Inhibitions are often lowered and sexual desire is increased leading to engagement in dangerous behaviors such as gambling, spending a lot of money, and impulsive sexual activity. Although mania and hypomania can be especially troubling to loved ones, since the person with bipolar disorder says or does things that are irrational and completely out of character. The person experiencing the symptoms rarely thinks anything is wrong. Someone experiencing a manic phase can be reluctant to get help even though everyone around them sees their behavior as unusual and erratic, unless they are forced to due to a psychotic break.
Depression and Major Depression
The episodes of depression experienced with bipolar disorder can be especially problematic when following the elation experienced during mania and hypomania. With major depression, symptoms are generally more severe and functioning is significantly impaired in one or more areas. Major depression symptoms last at least two weeks and can have a negative impact on functioning at work, school, home, and in relationships. Symptoms of depression and major depression include feelings of sadness or emptiness, feelings of hopelessness, low energy, irritability, loss of interest in things that were previously enjoyed, sleeping a lot or having difficulty sleeping, decreased libido, loss or increase in appetite, difficulty thinking clearly, and thoughts of suicide. Those with bipolar disorder who are experiencing depression may be more willing to get help, but could lack the motivation and ability to follow through. Depression, unlike major depression, enables you to function, although not optimally. If you have depression you may be able to function at work, but you may go straight to bed when you get home. With major depression, you could have difficulty completing basic tasks such as showering, and brushing your teeth.
Treatment
Treatment for bipolar disorder usually consists of a combination of medications and psychotherapy. Medications are often used to help stabilize mood changes. This way the highs are not as noticeable and the lows are less intense. Common medications used to treat bipolar disorder include mood stabilizers, antipsychotics, and antidepressants. It is important to work with a psychiatrist to make sure you receive the correct combination of effective medications. For example, being treated with an antidepressant alone can increase manic episodes in people with bipolar disorder. Psychotherapy such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and psychoeducation can help you understand the disorder and manage the symptoms more effectively. By learning your triggers and automatic responses, you can make effective changes that help mitigate the negative symptoms and balance the extreme mood shifts.
Living With Bipolar Disorder
Living with bipolar disorder can be exhausting as you attempt to keep relationships and your life intact during the euphoric highs, and try to keep from falling into the depths of despair during the dark lows. Bipolar disorder can be well managed with a combination of medication and psychotherapy. However, due to troubling side effects, having difficulty finding the right combination, or even missing the energy and elation of mania, medication compliance can be difficult to maintain. There is an increased risk of self-harming behaviors and suicide attempts as it can be hard to consistently attend therapy during an episode of major depression.
Bipolar disorder is a life-long illness that requires consistent management. Surrounding yourself with a supportive team of doctors, therapists, friends, and family is key to dealing with it effectively. A strong support system that understands you, is familiar with bipolar disorder, and can help you recognize the first signs of mood changes, will enable you to manage it effectively and live the life you want.
Judgments help you make sense of the world around you. It is not necessarily bad to judge others. However, most of the time, judgments are made without a lot of context and can be negative in some way. Judging others can increase fears of being judged and can decrease feelings of connection and empathic understanding. Being less judgmental of others can improve both your relationships and your emotional well-being.
Why We Judge
It is normal to judge people and situations. Judging means to form an opinion about someone or something based on thoughts, feelings, and evidence. This often occurs within the first few minutes of meeting someone. When you judge a person, you assess their character in order to determine if they are safe. This is done on a subconscious level as your brain takes in information to decide if you are in danger. This is important to your survival and is instinctual. When you determine there is no immediate danger, judgement is used to compare and contrast. Comparing others helps you determine how similar or different someone is from you or from those you are familiar with.
The Problem With Judging Others
Although judging others is normal, and even somewhat helpful, it can also be problematic. Judging others is a quick process, often based on superficial information. The comparison used to judge is more about you and your own strengths and weaknesses that has very little to do with the other person. Even though a judgement is an opinion, it is perceived as reality. A judgment can be positive as well as negative. However, judgments are most often seen as negative as when you judge someone else as better than you, the judgment on yourself is being less than. Focusing on judgments can lead to symptoms of anxiety and depression as there can be an increased fear of being judged negatively by others. Decreasing negative judgments can help increase empathy, compassion, and overall contentment. Below are some things you can do to help you stop judging others so harshly.
Practice Curiosity
When you judge others, it is often based on superficial information, or partial facts. If you can be curious about the person instead, you will be less likely to buy into your automatic assumptions. Curiosity enables you to ask questions and gain information before forming a conclusion. Talking to someone and learning who they are helps you gain more insight into their choices. When you get to know someone, your judgments tend to be more positive and less automatic. Being curious about what others are going through as well as their past experiences, helps you form your judgments with more compassion and understanding.
Notice Your Thoughts
Pay attention to your automatic thoughts. Your thoughts lead to your judgments. Notice what you are thinking before judging someone. Are you feeling nervous, insecure, or upset? Your judgments could be based on your own feelings and insecurities that you might be projecting onto someone else. To make yourself feel better, or to fit in, you might put someone else down and judge them harshly. Although you might think it makes you feel superior, it often causes you to feel worse as it brings out your own insecurities and reinforces the negative. When you notice your thoughts are negative, you can try a thought stopping technique to change them. Picture a stop sign in your head to remind yourself to stop the thought and then try to change the thought to something more positive.
Practice Empathy
Practicing empathy is a good way to keep your judgments from becoming too negative. Empathy means understanding what someone else is experiencing from their frame of reference. When you are being empathic, you are focusing on the other person from their own perspective, not your perspective. This enables you to be more compassionate. Empathy helps you focus on the ways you are similar to others instead of fixating on differences. This makes it easier to form more positive judgments and let go of the negative ones.
Reframe
When you practice reframing the way you think about things, your negative judgments will decrease. You may not have control over what happens to you, but you always have control over how you view it. For instance, if someone cuts you off in traffic, you are the one that gets to decide why. You could judge them as a terrible driver that doesn’t care about anyone else. Or, you can assume that they are driving their hurt child to the hospital. When you choose to reframe a situation by viewing it with more empathy and compassion, you are less likely to form a negative judgment.
Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness refers to being fully present in the moment and observing your thoughts without judging them. The more you can focus on existing in the moment, the easier it will be to let go of negative judgments. Sometimes you might judge others based on your own past choices or perceived shortcomings. If you can be more mindful, you can assess the current situation in the present context. This way you can leave past difficulties and future worries where they belong and keep your focus on what is happening now. Being able to recognize your judgmental thoughts enables you to reframe them and view them differently. Meditation can help you become more mindful in your daily life and can help you decrease your negative judgments.
Practice Self-Compassion
Since your judgments are more about you than the other person, practicing self-compassion can help you let go of negative judgments. When you are compassionate and forgiving with yourself, it is easier to be this way with others. Practicing self-compassion decreases the need to seek outside approval and validation. When you treat yourself with kindness and understanding, you have a more positive outlook. If you feel good about yourself and who you are, you don’t tend to spend your time finding fault with others. Your internal voice can become your external experience. When you are kind and caring towards yourself, this becomes your expectation and view of others.
Judging others can decrease your ability to authentically connect. If you are struggling with letting go of your automatic negative judgments, counseling can help. When you approach others with empathic understanding and curiosity, your relationships and emotional well-being will improve.
Forgiving others is a process that takes time and effort. If you were abused by a parent, cheated on by a partner, or attacked by a stranger, forgiving the person who hurt you might seem impossible, and even unnecessary. This is especially true when the person that hurt you denies what they did, or isn’t even sorry. However, forgiveness isn’t something you do for them, it’s something you do for you. Forgiveness requires processing what occurred and how it impacted you, and finding a way to let go of the anger, pain, and desire for revenge. When you make peace with what happened, you can let it go and move on.
Why Forgive
Holding on to the pain and anger caused by someone that harmed you isn’t good for you. Those who choose not to forgive can experience problems with their physical and mental health. This can include cardiovascular problems, a weakened immune system, and increased symptoms of anxiety and depression. When the focus is on the hurt instead of healing, you might replay the negative experience repeatedly. This negative thought loop can actually perpetuate the pain, anger, and other difficult emotions experienced at the time of the initial offense. If you forgive, you release the negative emotions and the energy you were focusing on. When you are able to forgive those that you are close to, reparation and reestablishing trust is possible. Forgiveness can improve your health, your relationships, and your overall emotional well-being.
Why It’s Hard To Forgive
Forgiveness is not always easy. At times it can be seemingly impossible. There are a number of reasons why forgiveness can be a difficult process. It can be hard to give up the anger, pain, and desire for revenge related to what happened. This is especially true if you haven’t spent time feeling it and working through it. You may believe that forgiving lets the person who hurt you off the hook. It’s possible that you believe that forgiveness means you have to accept the person back into your life in the same way, or forget what they did. Maybe you believe forgiveness isn’t necessary if the person is no longer in your life, doesn’t know they hurt you, or isn’t even sorry. Giving up thoughts of revenge and letting go of focusing on the past, and instead living in the present, can be scary. You might be afraid you’ll forget, or give the impression that what happened wasn’t that big of a deal. There is also the possibility of believing that forgiving means you are giving the person permission to hurt you again.
Define Forgiveness
Defining what forgiveness means to you, is an important step in the forgiveness process. Decide for yourself if forgiving others is something you do for them, or for you. Figure out what religious, family, and personal beliefs influence your definition and if you believe you have to forget and no longer feel hurt to forgive. Consider whether or not you want to continue to have a relationship with the person that hurt you and what that might look like. These are some things that you might want to think about when formulating your definition of forgiveness. The psychological definition of forgiveness, is making a deliberate choice to release the need for vengeance and harboring resentment toward those who have caused you harm. When you clearly define what forgiveness is and is not, it should be easier for you to let go and move on.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
If you have been hurt by someone, especially a person you really care about, you might experience a lot of different feelings. You could feel pain, anger, confusion, betrayal, and many other emotions. It is okay to feel whatever it is you are feeling. Accepting your feelings and allowing them to be, is the easiest way to work through them. There is no reason to judge your feelings, they are what they are. Pushing your feelings down and trying to ignore them can prevent you from working through them and being able to forgive. It is much easier to begin the healing journey when you are able to acknowledge and process your emotions.
Forgive Yourself First
The decision to forgive others always starts with forgiving yourself. If you are struggling to forgive someone that hurt you, maybe you need to forgive yourself first. It’s possible that you blame yourself for ignoring obvious signs. Perhaps you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. There is also the possibility that even though you did nothing to cause what happened, you still struggle with guilt and shame. You might believe that you were hurt because there is something inherently wrong with who you are. While it might be hard to forgive yourself, doing so can be quite freeing and can improve your emotional well-being. Practicing self-forgiveness also enables you to extend that forgiveness to others.
Establish Strong Boundaries
Forgiveness is not the same thing as saying what happened didn’t hurt, and is okay. It does not mean that you have to forget what transpired. If what was done, or not done, was not okay, you want to establish a strong boundary around this to help prevent it from happening again. A boundary is for you, not for the other person. In order for a boundary to be effective, it must be clearly stated and have specific consequences that you are willing and able to follow through with. Creating clear boundaries, and being aware of what the consequence will be if the boundary is broken, enables you to forgive the other person and repair your relationship. This way you forgive the person, but maintain a boundary around what caused you pain, so it is less likely to happen again.
Practice Compassion
No one is perfect. Mistakes are bound to happen, even quite painful ones. Practicing empathy and compassion can help you find a way to forgive. Focusing on what happened and how bad it hurt can reinforce the negative experience and difficult emotions since you are giving them so much energy. Shifting the focus to empathy and compassion enables you to view the offender as a flawed human. Although it does not make what happened okay, it helps change the focus. The focus is now on understanding and kindness instead of pain and revenge. This subtle shift can make a big difference in your outlook and ability to forgive.
Write It Down
Forgiveness is something you do for you, so you can let go and move on. Therefore, you do not have to tell the person that hurt you that you forgive them. If you want to let them know they are forgiven you can, but it is certainly not necessary. Sometimes, writing down what happened and what you want to say about it, can help you release it. You could write out what happened and how it impacted you. When you are ready, you can write out what forgiveness means to you and why you choose to forgive. You could give this to the person if that seems important, keep it for yourself, or destroy it as a way of symbolically releasing yourself from the pain. Writing it down can keep you clear on what forgiveness is and why it’s important to you, while also honoring the experience and the process.
It Is A Process
Forgiveness is a process. It takes time to fully recognize what occurred and how it impacted you. Time is also needed to determine what forgiveness is, why it is important, and how you can forgive. It is rarely a one time event. Making the decision to forgive someone is just the start. You need to go through the process of forgiving before you can release the pain and desire for revenge and be able to let it go. It could be easy forgiving part of an offense, but quite difficult forgiving another aspect of it. Maybe you have no problem forgiving one person for what they did, but you struggle to forgive another person that did the same thing. Forgiveness is a process that takes time, effort, and energy. You do not have to hurry the process, and you don’t have to judge it either. When you allow the process to unfold, forgiving the person that hurt you will seem more complete and it will be easier to let it go.
Forgiving others isn’t always easy. If you are struggling with your ability to forgive someone and it is having a negative impact on your life, individual counseling can help. Forgiving others can be freeing. When you experience the freedom forgiving others provides, you can move towards your future feeling lighter, happier, and more at peace.
