Forgiveness can be hard. When someone does something that hurts you, it can be difficult to let it go and move on. Although forgiving others can be a daunting task at times, it is often much easier to forgive others than it is to forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Maybe you missed your daughter’s winning goal because you left work late, told a lie that caused problems for others, or perhaps your actions resulted in life-altering consequences. No matter what happened, practicing self-forgiveness provides an opportunity for important growth, meaningful change, and improved emotional well-being. Below are 7 tips for practicing self-forgiveness.
Why You Should Forgive Yourself
Fixating on difficult emotions, such as guilt, anger, and shame, can have negative consequences on your mental and physical health. Ruminating on these feelings keeps your nervous system on high alert. The adrenaline release related to these emotions can lead to heart problems, autoimmune diseases, and mental health issues, such as anxiety and depression. Beating yourself up over and over again strengthens the feelings of guilt and shame and reinforces the accompanying self-belief of being a bad person. Staying stuck in the past prevents you from moving forward and learning valuable lessons. Self-forgiveness enables you to separate who you are, from the mistakes you have made. This way you can begin to learn from your choices and find ways to make amends when possible. It will be easier to truly forgive others when you start forgiving yourself. Forgiveness is a process that takes time. Below are some tips to get you started on your journey towards self-forgiveness.
1. Define Forgiveness
Having a clear definition of forgiveness, and what it means to you, is an important first step. Your definition could stem from your religious beliefs, family, or personal ideas. When you define what forgiveness is, make sure you are also clear on what it is not. If you believe that forgiveness releases you from responsibility, or means that you are not at fault, it will feel like you are letting yourself off the hook. Understanding forgiveness as forgetting, or moving on as if nothing happened will keep you stuck in shame or denial. This is why it is important to have a clear definition of forgiveness. Perhaps forgiveness can be defined as a decision to acknowledge that you are flawed and made poor choices that have caused harm. But instead of continuing to punish yourself and wallow in shame, you are choosing to treat yourself with compassion and understanding so you can learn from this experience, accept responsibility for your actions, and grow in ways that will encourage effective change.
2. Acknowledge Your Feelings
In order to forgive yourself, you need to acknowledge your feelings, not deny them. Set aside time to focus on your feelings without judgment. Name your emotions and allow yourself to experience what you feel. You can feel anything you need to feel and these feelings don’t have to define your responses. This might be difficult, but you will not be able to let go of your feelings of guilt and shame until you acknowledge them, feel them, and allow yourself to work through them. It is normal to experience remorse when you have caused pain for someone else. Acknowledging these feelings enables you to gain a deeper understanding of what occurred. Ignoring your emotions can lead to more regret, which can make self-forgiveness very difficult.
3. Acknowledge What You Did
You can’t really learn from your mistakes unless you are able to acknowledge them. Acknowledging what happened and taking responsibility for your part in it allows you to gain insight into why it happened. Put judgment aside and look at what actually occurred and your role in the situation. When you learn the lessons related to what you did, you can also take steps to avoid doing it again. Living in denial keeps you from owning up to your mistakes and learning from them. Likewise, replaying the incident over and over again keeps the focus on what went wrong, instead of on what you learned. If you can acknowledge what behaviors and actions lead to the problem, you can take the steps necessary to make effective changes.
4. Apologize
If your actions caused someone else harm, apologize. A heartfelt apology to someone you have hurt can go a long way towards self-forgiveness. It will probably be difficult to truly forgive yourself if you still feel as though you need to make amends with someone else. While you can’t anticipate how your apology will be received, saying sorry to the injured party can help you let it go sooner and find forgiveness for yourself. If you hurt someone else and are unable to apologize to them, writing down what you would like to say can keep you from ruminating on it. You can write out an apology to yourself as well. For an apology to seem sincere, you need to admit what you did wrong, explain why you regret it, acknowledge the pain you have caused, and describe what you plan to do differently in the future to ensure it is unlikely to happen again.
5. Focus On What You Learned
It is much easier to learn important lessons when things go wrong, then when they go right. If you can focus on the learning experience and what you will do differently going forward, you may find self-forgiveness more appropriate. When you know what you did and the consequences, you can make a different choice going forward. Sometimes this type of lesson is learned most effectively when you mess up. It is normal to get caught up in what you did wrong, but you may not learn much from this if it is your only focus. By focusing on what adjustments you need to make going forward, you can grow from the experience. When you can view it as a hard lesson learned, you may be able to start forgiving yourself.
6. Make Meaningful Changes
In order to forgive yourself, you may need to make some changes. Acknowledging that your actions caused a problem is only the first step. You also need to change your behavior. If you continue the problematic behavior, you are not taking responsibility for what you did. Only changing the behavior can lead to the possibility of a better outcome. For example, if you are continuously late for work and feel bad about this, you can change this by leaving your house earlier. If making a behavioral change won’t help the situation, you can make a meaningful change in a different way. You could volunteer, share your story with others, or work to devise a future solution. Paying it forward is a good way to shift your focus from what you did wrong to what you are doing about it.
7. Practice Compassion
Just as you show compassion for others, you can show compassion for yourself. Continuously beating yourself up about something that has already happened and can’t be undone reinforces the negative. This can lead to a troubling self-perception that you are a damaged person who is not worthy of grace. Instead, you can treat yourself with kindness and acceptance. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to your best friend. Recognize that making a mistake does not make you a mistake. Even though you are probably harder on yourself than you are on anyone else, the way you treat yourself is a choice. Choosing to treat yourself with compassion and understanding can help you practice forgiveness for both others, and yourself.
While forgiving yourself may not be easy, it is very important to your emotional health. If you are struggling with forgiving yourself for past mistakes, individual counseling can help. Remember, you do not have to forget what happened to forgive yourself. When you are able to forgive yourself, you can experience important growth and change that can improve your overall well-being.
Anxiety can be hard to deal with at times. When your heart starts pounding and your thoughts start racing, it can feel overwhelming. Self-soothing is needed, but may be hard to do. There are probably a number of coping skills that you can use to help ease your symptoms. However, it can be difficult to remember what helps in the moment. Creating a self-soothing kit that contains different items that engage your senses and ground you in the moment can help you effectively manage anxiety.
What Is Anxiety
Although anxiety, extreme worry and fear, is a normal reaction to a stressful situation and can be quite helpful at times, for some it can be debilitating. When every day occurrences trigger the fight, flight, or freeze response on a regular basis, it can be difficult to calm down and relax. Overthinking, persistent worry, racing thoughts, difficulty concentrating, feeling keyed up, and irritability are common symptoms associated with anxiety. Physical symptoms can include fatigue, trouble sleeping, muscle aches, a heightened startle reflex, sweating, trembling, and nausea. If anxiety continues to escalate, it could lead to a panic attack. The physical symptoms can be severe enough to mimic symptoms of a heart attack. Since anxiety is future oriented worry about what hasn’t occurred, but what might occur, the worst possible outcome in often imagined. Bringing your focus back to the present moment can help calm you down. While you may know many ways to calm yourself down, it can be difficult to recall them when anxiety takes over. A self-soothing kit is a tool you can use to help decrease anxiety when it strikes.
What Is A Self-Soothing Kit
A self-soothing kit is a small box or bag that contains things that help ground you in the present moment. This is something that you create with items that help engage all of your senses so you can be more mindful. When you are able to be fully engaged in the present moment, symptoms of anxiety usually subside. Since a self-soothing kit is small, it is easy to take it with you. This enables you to access your calming tools in different settings that might be especially anxiety provoking. For instance, if a visit to the dentist causes you a great deal of anxiety, you can bring your self-soothing kit with you and use it in the waiting room. In order for the self-soothing kit to be the most effective, it should contain items that engage all of your senses.
Touch
Something small that you can hold in your hand with an interesting shape or texture can help engage your sense of touch. Notice the materials that you like and what is soothing or comforting to you. A comfort object that you can hold, such as a stuffed animal, weighted blanket, or even a piece of material from your childhood comfort object can be quite calming. It can even bring up childhood memories of being held and comforted by a caregiver. You might enjoy molding clay, knitting, crocheting, using a fidget toy, or squeezing a stress ball when you are feeling anxious. A scarf, hat, or small piece of clothing with sequins, fur, or satin can help you use your sense of touch to self-soothe. Gather up the things you like to touch and include some of them in your self-soothing kit.
Smell
There are many items that you can use to elicit your sense of smell. The sense of smell is linked to the emotional center in the brain. Certain scents can be used to help you calm down and decrease symptoms of anxiety. Lavender, bergamot, and frankincense have been shown to decrease symptoms of anxiety, depression, and pain. Candles, essential oils, sachets, and soaps are small enough to easily fit in your self-soothing kit. Vanilla can elevate your mood. Peppermint can enhance your ability to concentrate. You can also include scented markers or crayons. Having things that contain these fragrances in your self-soothing kit can help reduce your anxiety.
Sight
To engage your sense of sight, you want to include items that are visually soothing. Photos of loved ones, favorite places, or of yourself doing something that you enjoy are good options. A book of inspirational sayings can help elevate your mood and calm you down. You can include a coloring book and use your scented markers or crayons. Including a small notebook and pen enables you to write down your feelings as a way of stopping the thought loop. Art supplies can be used to express your worries and fears creatively. You can include a diagram of your favorite breathing exercises and some bubbles to remind you to breathe. Anything that is visually calming or engaging will be useful to add to your self-soothing kit.
Hearing
Music can affect your mood and help you get in touch with your emotions. It can calm you down and make you feel good. Hearing certain songs can illicit memories and related emotions that can cause you to become nostalgic. A set of headphones and creating playlists that make you feel happy and relaxed are things that you can put in your self-soothing kit to stimulate this sense. A recorded message from a loved one, or a recording of your favorite poem can also be helpful. A small white noise machine, music box, or nature sounds machine can engage your auditory senses and help you calm down. You could write down your favorite guided imagery or guided meditation apps as well as your favorite playlists and what emotions they bring up for you and add it to your self-soothing kit. This way you don’t have to worry about searching through your phone when you are feeling overwhelmed.
Taste
When you add things to your self-soothing kit for taste, make sure what you add is non-perishable, or replaced often. Chocolate can increase serotonin and help you feel calmer and more content. Packets of your favorite tea, especially chamomile and peppermint have been shown to reduce stress and anxiety. Hard candies, lollipops, and even cough drops are helpful if anxiety causes your mouth to feel dry. Ginger candy and mints can ease any nausea that might occur when you’re anxious. Chewing gum has been shown to reduce the amount of stress hormones in your body. All of these things can stimulate your taste buds and easily fit into your self-soothing kit.
Try creating a self-soothing kit and see if it helps the next time you feel anxious. If you notice that anxiety is having a negative impact on your life and relationships, you might benefit from counseling. When you feel confident in your ability to manage the symptoms of anxiety, you can feel calmer overall. A self-soothing kit that engages all of your senses and is portable can help you handle symptoms of anxiety more effectively.
Do you spend a lot of time taking care of others? At times, do you feel overwhelmed and stressed out? Does it feel as though there is not enough time in the day to do the things that you really want to do? If so, you could benefit from practicing self-care.
What Is Self-Care
Self-care is about caring for yourself in a way that protects and enhances your physical and emotional well-being. It is about making the time to give yourself what you need in order to thrive. Self-care is not about being selfish. The care that you give to yourself can improve both your mood and your relationships.
The Benefits Of Self-Care
When you feel well cared for, it is easier to support and care for others. Being able to attend to others needs effectively can have a positive impact on your relationships. Practicing self-care decreases symptoms of anxiety and depression. It takes less effort to handle daily stress when you practice self-care. Self-knowledge improves and more positive thought patterns emerge when you take the time to engage in self-care activities. Self-care can improve your immune system, your ability to manage stress, and your physical and mental well-being. Making simple changes in your daily routine can make all the difference in caring for yourself.
1. Eat Right
It is important to eat foods that nourish your body. Do you often make sure everyone else is enjoying their food, yet find yourself standing and eating, or skipping meals? Have you ever been hangry? Maybe you find yourself short tempered and grumpy only to realize you haven’t eaten all day. Perhaps you have the opposite problem and overeat to manage your feelings or choose foods that don’t satiate your hunger. Eating on a schedule and having a balanced diet with a variety of healthy foods can help keep your blood sugar stable, help you maintain a healthy weight, and improve your mood. Giving your body proper nourishment is a way to practice self-care.
2. Exercise
Daily exercise is good for your body and your mind. You could go to the gym, join an exercise class, such as yoga or Pilates, or get out in nature and take a walk. Moving your body is what’s important. Exercise can help you maintain a healthy weight, and improve your strength and immune system. The endorphins released when you exercise can improve your mood and decrease symptoms of anxiety and depression. Working out, as long as you are not overdoing it, helps decrease levels of cortisol and adrenaline, the stress hormones. Exercise also helps promote better sleep.
3. Get Enough Sleep
The benefits of a good night’s sleep are well documented. A lack of quality sleep can negatively affect your physical and mental health. Although your body rests when you are sleeping, your mind is quite active. This is especially true during REM sleep where dreaming enables you to process your experiences and feelings and helps with memory consolidation. In order to experience restful sleep, you want to set yourself up for success. Create a comfortable atmosphere in your room by keeping it cool and dark. Try to avoid alcohol and caffeine late in the day and avoid exercise a few hours before going to sleep. Turn off electronics and engage in restful activities, such as reading and meditation at least 30 minute before bed. You are more likely to experience a good night’s sleep if you go to bed and wake up at the same time every day.
4. Establish Boundaries
Maintaining healthy boundaries allows you to manage your time and energy effectively. If people, activities, and obligations are demanding more than you have to give, you need to establish some boundaries. Learning to say no to things that drain you can be very empowering. This way, the things that you say yes to will become very meaningful and energy giving instead of draining. Your time is valuable, and so is your energy. Setting boundaries that protect how you spend your time and use your energy is a way to be kind to yourself and practice good self-care.
5. Socialize
Humans are social beings and need to spend time with friends and family and connect with others. Catching up with dear friends, family vacations, and spending time with loved ones can be good for your mental health. While spending time with those that you have formed a strong attachment to can be good for you, socializing in general can also be beneficial. Sharing a sense of community with others can decrease feelings of loneliness. Church, the gym, sporting events, clubs, and other organizations can help you experience connection by interacting with others with similar goals. When you socialize with others, it can improve your overall well-being.
6. Spend Time Alone
While spending time with others is an important part of self-care, so is spending time alone. Spending time alone enables you to focus inward. This is the time to pay attention to yourself, not others. You can focus on your thoughts and spend time feeling your feelings. Engaging in activities that help you unwind and relax can also be beneficial during your alone time. Have a cup of tea, take a walk, relax in a hot bath, and listen to comforting music. The important thing about alone time is that you put yourself on your schedule and make this self-care time intentional.
7. Practice Mindfulness
Practicing mindfulness is a good way to engage in self-care. When you are being mindful, your attention and focus is on the present moment. Although it is quite easy to understand, it can be challenging to practice. Distracting thoughts and feelings can interfere with your ability to be grounded in the current moment. Meditation, yoga, and grounding exercises can help you learn to focus on what is happening now. Practicing mindfulness can decrease symptoms of anxiety and depression and improve your mood. You can start by focusing on your breathing as you take some slow, deep breaths.
8. Learn Something New
When you learn something new, it requires your full attention and focus. While this is good for practicing mindfulness, it also encourages new connections to form between neurons in the brain. Because of neuroplasticity, the ability of the brain to change throughout life, learning new things can help ward off dementia. Since learning something new can be exciting, it helps decrease boredom and overactive thoughts. Learning new skills can help you learn other things faster and improve your memory. Engaging in something that’s new and different can help break the monotony of routine and is a good way to practice self-care.
9. Do Things That Bring You Joy
Making time for the things that you enjoy is an essential part of caring for yourself. It is easy to let these things slide when your to do list is long and there isn’t enough time in the day to tackle it all. However, when you carve out the time to do the things that you love, everything that you have to do becomes more manageable. Put these activities on your schedule. If you want to spend more time with your kids and you love being out in nature, take your kids on a hike. If you enjoy traveling that might be trickier to incorporate into your day. You could, however, spend time each day reading up on places you would like to visit, or planning out your next vacation. Scheduling time to do the things that bring you joy can increase positive feelings and improve your mood.
In order to care for yourself effectively, you need to spend some time every day focusing on you. It could be a little challenging at first to do this. However, once you notice how much better you feel, the benefits of practicing self-care will be worth the effort.
If you experience a traumatic event or struggle with anxiety, you might exist in a highly aroused state. Symptoms you experience can be difficult to manage and sometimes even debilitating. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, EMDR is a scientifically based therapeutic technique. EMDR helps you reprocess trauma and heal the associated symptoms.
What Is EMDR
EMDR is a therapeutic procedure. It helps you desensitize and reprocess traumatic or disturbing life events and psychological distress without the need to go into great detail about the trauma. EMDR was developed by psychologist Francine Shapiro in 1987. EMDR helps those experiencing posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). You can easily be triggered if you experienced a trauma that you have not effectively processed. This can happen by recalling the memory or being in a situation that reminds you of the trauma. It can cause you to relive the traumatic experience as if it is currently happening, even though it isn’t.
In EMDR, the reprocessing of the event occurs through bilateral stimulation while recalling memories related to the traumatic event. The bilateral stimulation engages both the right (emotional) side of the brain, and the left (logical) side of the brain. This helps memories process more fully. EMDR mimics REM sleep where dreaming and processing of emotions occurs. Bilateral stimulation occurs through eye movements by following lights or the therapists fingers as they move from side to side. You can also listen to bilateral tones, or use alternating tactile stimulation. The memory remains, but the emotional reaction and related symptoms attached to the event significantly decrease through EMDR. This is because EMDR taps into the brain’s natural healing ability.
What Can EMDR Be Used To Treat
Although no one knows exactly how EMDR works, there are numerous studies outlining its efficacy. EMDR is effective with those who suffer symptoms related to PTSD. PTSD occurs when you experience a traumatic event, such as a bad accident, and you have disturbing symptoms that linger beyond 6 months. These symptoms can include flashbacks, nightmares, avoiding situations that remind you of the traumatic event, negative changes in beliefs or feelings, and hyperarousal. EMDR treats symptoms of complex PTSD related to ongoing exposure to trauma as experienced by prisoners of war, and child abuse survivors. EMDR effectively treats generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, grief, chronic pain, addiction, phobias, and performance anxiety. It successfully helps athletes enhance their performance, especially when they have suffered sports related injuries.
What Are The Side Effects Of EMDR
There are some side effects that commonly occur with EMDR therapy. Sometimes, as you process a negative experience, unpleasant memories related to, or even unrelated to the event that were either buried or forgotten can come up. You might experience difficult emotions during and after a session. This can include anger and sadness and intense nightmares as well. It may feel as though things get worse before getting better.
However, there are positive side effects that commonly occur as well. Forgotten positive memories can be brought to the surface. It’s also possible to experience very intense pleasant memories and dreams where all of your senses are heightened. A feeling of relief, relaxation, or euphoria might occur following an EMDR session. Although some people experience exhaustion or a lightheaded feeling, many report falling asleep easily and experiencing vivid dreams.
What Are The 8 Phases Of EMDR
EMDR can significantly reduce PTSD related to a single traumatic incident in three to six sessions. Complex PTSD usually takes longer. The eight phases of EMDR include history taking, client preparation, assessment, desensitization, installation, body scan, closure, and reevaluation.
Phases 1 through 3
History taking includes assessing a client’s readiness for EMDR and the development of a treatment plan. Writing down the presenting problem and any related symptoms occurs. The client and therapist collaborate and identify possible targets to process with EMDR.
In the client preparation phase, explaining the theory and process of EMDR takes place. Teaching and practicing of Relaxation techniques used during and between sessions occurs.
The assessment phase requires the client to identify an image representing the target event. The therapist helps the client explore any negative beliefs, body sensations, or emotions related to the event. Next, the client identifies a positive belief to replace the negative one.
Phases 4 through 8
During desensitization, the client focuses on the image that represents the target event along with the negative belief. The client focuses on this and bilateral stimulation, such as listening to tones as it alternates from one ear to the other, occurs. This continues until a disturbance no longer connects to the memory.
In the installation phase, the identified positive belief replaces the negative belief. The client focuses on the image representing the target event along with the positive belief. Bilateral stimulation occurs simultaneously.
The client performs a body scan to check for any tension in the body associated with the distressing memory. If tension remains, reprocessing may need to occur. If tension is absent, the therapist will proceed to the next phase.
With the closure phase, the client keeps a journal of anything that comes up between sessions. The client practices the relaxation skills that they learned between sessions.
The reevaluation phase occurs at the start of every new session. Any new memories, experiences, or thoughts that occur are discussed. Reprocessing of any new disturbances occurs.
EMDR can help you engage both sides of your brain so you can effectively process trauma. If you have experienced trauma or struggle with anxiety or addiction, a therapist trained in EMDR can help you reprocess the experience and decrease related negative symptoms. EMDR can be a powerful tool to use on your healing journey.
If you are empathic, you probably easily identify with the feelings of others. You might also absorb the emotions and moods of those around you. Being in a crowd could leave you feeling exhausted and emotionally drained. It is probably difficult to watch violent movies, or even the news. If you absorb the energy around you and feel what others are feeling, then you might be an empath. While there is nothing wrong with being an empath, it can take a toll on your emotional well-being. If being an empath is negatively impacting your mental health, there are some things you can try that might help.
Being An Empath
If you are an empath, you can easily identify with and experience another’s feelings. Empathy can be a very good quality as it can help you connect with others through a deep level of understanding. You probably have good intuition, are a natural nurturer, and exude a healing energy. Being around joyful, excited people energizes you and makes you feel good. The difficult part of being empathic is that you also pick up on the negative energy and feelings of sadness and despair. This can lead to problems with anxiety and depression when it is hard to separate yourself from the unpleasant emotions of others. If you are sensitive to other people’s feelings and emotions, there are things you can do to keep yourself from absorbing all of the negative energy around you.
1. Name The Feeling
When you are sensitive to other people’s energy, it is difficult to know if what you are feeling belongs to you, or someone else. Naming the feeling you are experiencing can help with this. If you were having a great day and when someone joined you anger came up, this feeling might not belong to you. Being able to differentiate and name your feelings, can help you realize what feelings belong to you and which ones might belong to someone else.
2. Ground Yourself
If you notice yourself absorbing the energy of those around you, ground yourself back in the present moment. Focus on a specific object nearby. Name the things that are around you. Touch something with a unique texture. Take some deep, cleansing belly breaths. When your focus is on the experience rather than the feeling, it is easier to keep the energy around you separate from you. Practicing mindfulness and meditation can be helpful as well. The more you are able to be fully present in the moment, the less likely you are to take on the negative emotions of others.
3. Be Self-Aware
Self-awareness is important when you are sensitive to other people’s feelings. Acknowledge your need for alone time. Spend time with your own emotions. Allow your feelings to be without judgment. Learn what triggers you in a negative way. Also, become aware of what brings you feelings of joy. When you are more aware of your own feelings, moods, and triggers, it is easier to tell when you are picking up on someone else’s energy. Being more self-aware will enable you to cultivate different ways to acknowledge emotions that do not belong to you without absorbing them.
4. Visualize A Glass Wall
There are a number of techniques that you can use to keep other people’s energy separate. One technique includes visualizing a glass wall between yourself and the other person. The glass wall allows you to see the other person’s emotions. However, the emotions are not able to penetrate the wall. When they hit the wall, they bounce back to the other person, not to you. You can see and acknowledge the feelings, but you do not absorb them. This technique can work in large crowds as well. You can picture yourself surrounded by a glass wall as you move through the crowd. Although you may notice their energy, you do not have to take it on as it cannot get through the wall.
5. Be Curious
When it is easier to pick up on the feelings of someone else, you might also believe that you understand how this impacts them. Even if your assumptions are correct, sometimes people just want to be heard. Being curious about the other person and what they are feeling and how it is affecting them can help you separate what they are feeling from what you are feeling. Instead of taking on someone else’s bad mood, you can ask them questions about what they are going through. Gaining a deeper understanding of what the other person is experiencing and why can keep your own feelings separate, no matter how empathic you might be. Showing curiosity about what someone is going through enables them to begin to process their experience through sharing, which can help you both feel closer.
6. Have Strong Boundaries
If you are empathetic, it is very important to have strong boundaries. Since it is natural for you to understand and empathize with others, you might easily become a dumping ground for their negative emotions. It is essential that you know yourself and what you are and are not able to handle. You might need more alone time than others to feel energized. Certain people and situations might be particularly draining for you and you may have to limit your exposure to them. Effective boundaries help you set limits based on your own needs, feelings, and energy levels. This way you can limit your exposure to those people that consistently drain your energy.
7. Release The Emotion
Even if you incorporate all of the above, if you are naturally sensitive to the emotions of others, there will be times when you will absorb them. When this happens, you can use another visualization technique to keep from becoming overwhelmed. To do this, you can picture leaves floating down a stream. Picture yourself writing down the feeling you have absorbed onto a leaf. As the leaf flows down the stream and out of sight, the feeling goes with it and you are left with the calmness of the flowing water. Try this the next time you pick up on someone else’s emotions and see if it is helpful.
Empathy is a gift that helps you connect with others. The key to being empathetic without the negative side effects is to maintain a strong sense of self. If you are an empath, and find yourself absorbing the negative energy around you, try some of the ideas above to see if they are helpful. That way, your compassion, deep level of understanding, and healing energy will shine through.
Sometimes it’s hard to have strong emotions, especially when they are painful or unpleasant. You want the pain to end so you try to avoid your feelings. Maybe if you just don’t think about them, they will go away. It’s normal to want to ignore your difficult feelings. However, unpleasant emotions aren’t meant to be buried or controlled, they are meant to be experienced. The fastest way to heal and improve your emotional well-being is to allow yourself to fully feel your feelings.
Why You Might Try To Avoid Your Feelings
When you experience a difficult feeling, you could believe that ignoring it will make it go away. Perhaps you received messages as a child that your feelings or emotional responses weren’t valid or appropriate. Maybe you were told that there is nothing to cry about, or you shouldn’t be sad. You might even believe that if you let yourself feel them, your emotions will consume you and the pain will never end. The message you received was that unpleasant emotions should be avoided.
When You Avoid Your Feelings
Ignoring or burying your feelings can prolong your painful emotions. When you deny your feelings, they are not able to be processed effectively. The emotion is still present, but there is no obvious outlet. To avoid your unpleasant emotions, you might engage in escapist behaviors, such as drug or alcohol addiction, compulsive sex, or staying busy at all times. Burying your feelings can even lead to chronic health issues and struggles with anxiety and depression. When you avoid your feelings, you become numb to your emotions and can have great difficulty experiencing the positive feelings as well. As the saying goes, in order to know happiness and joy, you must also know sorrow and pain. However, there are things that you can do to help you feel and process your unpleasant feelings.
Schedule A Time To Feel
The more you avoid your feelings, the more likely they are to control your responses and reactions. This often happens at the most inconvenient times and in ways that you regret. Your emotions are fine. You can feel anything you need to feel. When you have a set time to honor your feelings and allow them to be, it is easier to stop them when it is not a good time. If your feelings try to come up when it is not at the set time, picture a stop sign in your head. Remind yourself that you have to focus on this feeling again tomorrow and it is not time to do this now.
Find a time of day that works best for you. The key to scheduling a time to feel is to do something completely different when it’s done. It might be difficult to do this at first. If it is, then wait a few days and try it again and do something different to transition. For instance, you could spend 10 minutes in the morning feeling your feelings and transition by taking a walk.
Name Your Feelings
During the time that you schedule to feel your feelings, you want to allow your feelings to be felt. It can be hard to acknowledge some of the unpleasant emotions you might be experiencing. Instead of stuffing them down and avoiding them, or judging them as wrong and inappropriate, you can simply name them. They are just feelings. If you are feeling guilty about something you said, name the feeling as guilt. Allow yourself to feel the guilt and any other feeling that is associated with it, including sadness, regret, and fear. The better you get at naming your feelings, the easier it will be to recognize and differentiate them. This is true for positive feelings as well.
Don’t Judge Your Feelings
Although it is quite common to make judgments in order to assess a situation and figure out a course of action, it is not necessary where your feelings are concerned. A feeling is a feeling, it is not inherently good or bad, it just is. Practice becoming an observer of your feelings. Notice what you are feeling and name it, without judging it. Allow yourself to fully feel. When you notice that judgment is coming into play, observe your judgment and then let it go. Treat your feelings with gentleness and compassion.
Allow Your Feelings To Be Felt
When you are used to pushing your feelings down, or ignoring them, it can be hard to get in touch with them. If this happens when you first start trying to feel your feelings, don’t give up. Notice when it is easiest to get in touch with your emotions and try to schedule your feeling time then. You could also try writing down what you are feeling. If this isn’t helpful, think of an experience that you have difficulty discussing because of the unpleasant emotions that come up. Write down this experience and name the feelings associated with it. Once you acknowledge what you are feeling, allow the feelings to be. Crying, punching a pillow, talking to yourself, and soothing yourself can allow you to honor your feelings in a healthy way.
Be Kind To Yourself
Treat yourself and the way you are feeling with kindness. Talk to yourself like you would talk to your best friend. Allow your emotions to be felt and respond with compassion. Acknowledge what you are feeling and remind yourself that it is okay. Get comfortable with all of your emotions and become more aware. Let your judgment go and fully embrace the experience of feeling. Meditation and journaling can help you begin to process your feelings.
It might be difficult to connect with your feelings initially. It takes practice and patience to learn how to identify and sit with your emotions. Once you do, you will be able to better understand what your feelings are trying to teach you. Maybe you need to apologize, or speak up for yourself. When you honor your feelings, let them have their time, and learn from them, it is easier to process them and let them go. This way you can focus more on the positive feelings that you will also find easier to access. If you want to improve your emotional well-being, let yourself fully feel your feelings.
