When your spouse has a mental illness, it has an impact on you as well. You might need to take on additional responsibilities and could feel overwhelmed. Managing the mental illness can feel like it has become the purpose of your relationship. You could feel very alone in your own feelings and needs as you adjust to your partner and their needs related to their illness. Though it may be challenging, there are things you can do to manage your own well-being and maintain a healthy relationship, when your spouse has a mental illness,
1. Practice Good Self Care
Self-care is always a good investment and it can be even more important when your spouse is dealing with a mental illness. The more you care for yourself, the more energy you will have to care for others and to pick up the extra slack that your partner may need help with at this time. Self-care is not selfish, it is a critical component of managing an illness. Get plenty of rest, exercise, eat well, enjoy time with family and friends, and engage in activities that help you relax and bring you joy.
2. Educate Yourself
Read up on the mental illness that your spouse is suffering from. Educating yourself about their mental illness can help you understand some of the things that your spouse may be experiencing that they are unable to articulate. Learning more about the illness helps you separate the person from the experience of the mental health problem. Reading literature, visiting websites, and getting information from qualified professionals can help you learn about the symptoms and treatment options. It is also easier to be supportive and understanding with your spouse when you have more knowledge about what they are going through.
3. Get Support
Dealing with a spouse’s mental illness can be challenging. It can require a lot of emotional energy that can be quite taxing. Reaching out to friends and family members for help can alleviate some of the additional tasks and added strain that you might be experiencing. Having others that you can talk to and rely on can help you manage your own self-care so you don’t experience burnout.
4. Maintain Clear Boundaries
It is important to maintain clear and appropriate boundaries. If your spouse is treating you poorly or expecting more than you are able to give, for the sake of your own well-being and the health of your relationship, you need to gently let them know that this is not okay. They are entitled to their feelings. However, it is not appropriate for them to take their negative emotions out on you.
Also, you are not your spouse’s therapist. While you don’t want to enable your partner’s mental health condition, it is not your job to try and fix it either, even if you are a mental health professional. Acting as your partner’s therapist can damage your couple relationship. Taking steps to manage their mental illness, such as taking their medication and attending therapy, is something you can require your spouse to do. Having clear boundaries will help you maintain a healthy, respectful marriage.
5. Listen
Encourage your spouse to talk to you about what they are experiencing and what they might need from you at this time. Try to engage in empathic listening. This requires you to listen to your spouse’s feelings without judging them or trying to fix them. The more you are able to listen to your partner with empathy, the easier it will be for them to open up to you and share. This will help you feel closer to them, even if you don’t fully understand what they are experiencing.
6. Be Supportive
Be there for your spouse and help them as much as you are able. Know and accept their limitations. Let them know that you value, love, and respect them. They may feel overwhelmed and have trouble knowing what they should do. You can offer to help them seek out professionals, accompany them to their appointments, and take on some of their household chores. Being supportive can also include encouraging them to take on more responsibilities when they are ready.
7. Try Not To Take It Personally
When someone is experiencing a mental illness, they can have difficulty regulating their emotions. They may respond to you with anger, indifference, or by pushing you away. Don’t let their emotions and behavior dictate yours. Remember that this could be a manifestation of their illness and try not to take it personally. While you shouldn’t put up with abusive behavior, learning to let some things go can be helpful to your own mental well-being as well as your relationship with your spouse.
8. Be Gentle With Your Emotions
Guilt, shame, and fear are common feelings that come up when someone you care about has a mental illness. It is okay to have your own emotions and feelings about the extra work you have to take on and the lack of support you are receiving from your spouse. This is true even if your feelings and emotions are negative.
Your spouse has an illness, and it is not your fault. Even if you weren’t getting along before the illness, there is nothing that you could have said or done to cause it. It is normal to have uncomfortable feelings about this, including worry, fear, and sadness. Be gentle and accepting of your own feelings about this experience.
9. Seek Professional Help
Professional counseling can be an invaluable resource for you, your spouse, and your couple relationship. Individual counseling can give you some tools to help you cope effectively with your experience of your spouse’s mental illness. Therapy can provide support and a safe place to explore your feelings. Couples counseling can help strengthen your bond and communication skills. Working on maintaining a strong couple connection will allow you to navigate this challenge as a united front.
You can maintain your own emotional health and continue to have a strong marriage when your spouse has a mental illness. Engaging in self-care practices and creating a strong support system can help you effectively manage the added challenges you might encounter at this time. With some work, the new reality of your relationship can be both happy and healthy.
