Unrealistic expectations can cause a lot of disappointment in your relationship. When things don’t go the way you think they should, you may want to give up on your partner. Relationships are hard work and rarely live up to the happily ever after depicted in movies. If you believe your relationship is supposed to be perfect, you will probably feel let down at some point. In order to maintain a healthy couple connection, you need to try to avoid these 8 unrealistic expectations that can cause problems in your relationship.
1. You Will Never Fight
Conflict is normal in a relationship. You are different people with different ideas, opinions, needs, and beliefs. Disagreements provide a different perspective and a chance to come up with creative solutions. In fact, if you and your partner never fight, you are probably not discussing important issues. This might appear to be helpful in the short term, but it can leave you feeling disconnected from your partner, and unsafe in your relationship, in the long term. Fighting with your partner gives you a chance to practice agreeing to disagree and repairing your bond. When conflict is accepted as a normal part of your relationship, you can feel safe saying whatever you need to say, which can bring you closer together.
2. You Will Do Everything The Same Way
It is unlikely that you and your partner will do everything the same way. You may have very different parenting styles, daily habits, and cleaning styles. It is also possible that you each show and receive love differently. Expecting your partner to do things exactly the way that you do, can lead to a lot of disappointment in your relationship. This is also true if you feel there is only one right way to do things. Without some flexibility, you will end up nagging, or doing everything yourself. Maybe it’s actually more important that things get done, even if your partner goes about it in a different way.
3. Your Partner Can Read Your Mind
Good relationships require effective communication. Believing that your partner will be able to know what you need without you telling them is unrealistic. You will end up feeling let down and will be constantly disappointed if you expect your partner to read your mind. When your partner doesn’t anticipate your wants and needs, you may begin to believe that they don’t care. This can lead to a lot of problems in your relationship and you could start to resent your partner. If you clearly state your needs, you actually learn a lot more about your partner. When you share your needs, you will learn a lot about your relationship by your partner’s response.
4. You Can Change Your Partner
Although change is inevitable, entering into a relationship with the belief that you can change your partner isn’t healthy. You can only change yourself. Trying to change someone else is disrespectful. While you do need to be able to compromise to have a successful relationship, you also need to accept your partner for who they are. Assuming you can change your partner can lead to resentment. If your partner feels pressure to change things they don’t want to change, they may resent you. When your partner doesn’t change something you want them to, you may resent them. The lack of acceptance in the relationship can also lead to emotional distance.
5. Your Partner Will Never Change
Life is about change and growth. The only way to remain exactly the same is to stay stagnant. You would probably be very concerned if your child didn’t grow and change. However, when your partner changes it can feel unfamiliar and even scary. You may feel as if you no longer know or understand your partner. Change doesn’t have to be scary, it can also be exciting. If there is room in your relationship for healthy growth, your relationship can remain fresh and invigorating long after the honeymoon phase is over.
6. You Should Do Everything Together
Since you and your partner are different people, you most likely have some different interests as well. While doing things together is good for bonding, doing things apart can also enhance your relationship. When you focus on your own interests and goals, you have more things to share with your partner. Focusing on what enriches you as an individual can increase your overall emotional well-being. When you feel content and fulfilled, your positive vibes are felt by your partner as well, which is good for your relationship.
7. Everything Should Be Divided Equally
While this is a good idea in theory, it rarely works in practice. You and your partner have individual strengths and weaknesses that you each bring to the table. If you enjoy cooking, and your schedule permits, you may want to be in charge of meal preparation the majority of the time. Likewise, if your partner works in the home, it may make more sense for them to take on more of the child care responsibilities. If your partner is sick, you will need to contribute more until they are better. Dividing things equally may not make sense at times. The important thing is that things are divided in a way that works for your relationship.
8. You Shouldn’t Need To Work On Your Relationship
Relationships require sustained effort from both people. Life events, misunderstandings, and changing circumstances can complicate your relationship. If your relationship is not a priority, it can be difficult to maintain. Issues in your relationship need to be addressed and you also need to know when to bite your tongue. It can be difficult at times to find the right balance between the two. The decision to work on your relationship together creates a feeling of safety and sense of commitment that can greatly enhance your connection.
Unrealistic expectations can cause a lot of problems in your relationship. If you struggle to maintain more realistic expectations, couples therapy can help. When you are able to lower some of your unrealistic expectations, you can experience a healthier and stronger couple connection.