Trust issues can cause a lot of turmoil in a relationship. The constant questioning, suspicion, and disbelief can create conflict, defensiveness, and withdrawal. While trust issues can have a negative impact on your relationship, there are some things that can help. Below are some causes of trust issues as well as some ideas for improving trust in your relationship.
What Are Trust Issues
Trust issues refers to the difficulty in believing that others are capable of being honest, loyal, and reliable. The issues with trust tend to manifest most often in romantic relationships. If you experience trust issues, you may be unsure of who to trust, when to trust, or how much trust you should give your partner. This can lead to a lot of problems in a relationship. The person that struggles with trust may be suspicious, hypervigilant, and guarded. They may have difficulty accepting kindness and love, and may withdraw from the relationship leading to loneliness and more mistrust. Meanwhile, the partner of the person with trust issues may feel like they constantly need to defend themselves and prove their innocence and feelings for their partner. They may try to avoid the accusations by withdrawing from their partner and shutting down communication.
Signs Of Trust Issues
There are many different signs that may indicate that trust issues are a factor in your relationship. One common sign of those that struggle with trust is being overly suspicious. This includes constantly questioning your partner’s whereabouts, motives, and actions. Those that have trust issues tend to assume the worst, and have difficulty with forgiveness. They may be jealous, needy, and falsely accuse their partner of things they are worried might happen. When someone has trust issues, they may have a hard time committing to a relationship which can lead to isolation, loneliness, and depression.
Causes Of Trust Issues
Many experiences can lead to the development of trust issues, especially within an intimate relationship. When a person is betrayed by someone they love, through infidelity, lying, or abandonment, it can lead to difficulty with trusting others. Experiences of childhood trauma, such as abuse and neglect by a caregiver, can cause trust issues. If you grew up in a volatile household where there was a lot of fighting and tension, you may be more likely to experience trust issues as an adult. Trust issues are more common in those that have an anxious attachment style.
What Helps Trust Issues
When trust is an issue in your relationship, you may become guarded and withdrawn. This actually leads to trust eroding even further. In order to create a more trustful relationship, you need to feel like you are valued and respected by your partner. It requires letting down your guard and allowing your partner to really know you. Giving one another the benefit of the doubt, practicing forgiveness, and setting effective boundaries in your relationship can help create and maintain trust.
Communicate Effectively
To improve trust in a relationship it is important to communicate effectively. Effective communication requires active listening, paying attention to nonverbal cues, and not interrupting. When communicating effectively, one person speaks, the other person repeats what they hear, and the first person clarifies their meaning. This enables you to feel both heard and understood. Summarizing what your partner is trying to convey, enables them to know you are hearing them. It is important to make eye contact, put away distractions, and ask questions to help further your understanding, not to change the subject. If you are practicing effective communication skills, you are less likely to be defensive, which can help foster trust.
Set Boundaries
Boundaries are necessary in relationships, and effective boundaries can help build trust. There are many unspoken boundaries in relationships. For instance, if you hit me, I’m going to leave. However, it is important to establish clear boundaries when what is happening continues to hurt you. If your partner calls you a pet name that is hurtful to you and you don’t say anything, you will begin to resent them, which can damage trust. Instead, you can say when they use that name it hurts you and if they continue to do so, you will leave the room. When you can establish healthy boundaries in your relationship you can feel respected which can lead to a deeper level of trust.
Practice Vulnerability
While effective boundaries are essential in building trust and having a healthy relationship, it is also important to be vulnerable. Vulnerability refers to sharing who you are with another, including your thoughts, beliefs, ideas, and emotions, even if you might be rejected. When you are vulnerable with your partner, you are emotionally raw and there is a risk of being hurt. Without vulnerability in a relationship, you may not get hurt, but it is also difficult to feel truly loved. When someone really knows you, warts and all, and accepts you anyway, you can begin to put your faith and trust in them.
Practice Forgiveness
A relationship consists of two imperfect people trying to do the best they can. At some point, toes will be stepped on, feelings will be hurt, and trust will be questioned. Practicing forgiveness is a healthy part of any long term commitment. Forgiving the little offenses that occur in a relationship can help strengthen trust. Forgiveness is about letting go of the hurt and resentment you feel towards your partner when they have wounded you. If you choose to forgive, it does not mean that what happened is okay or that change isn’t needed, it simply means that you are making a conscious decision to let go of the pain and move forward. When there is an atmosphere of forgiveness, trust can flourish.
Although trust issues can occur in intimate relationships, there are things you can do to nurture trust. If the above tips are not enough, seeking couples counseling may help. When trust is strong, both of you can feel loved, cherished, and respected and your relationship can thrive.
Everyone experiences ruminating thoughts at times. However, ruminating on bad memories can lead to mental health issues, including anxiety, depression, and PTSD. When ruminating on these memories has a negative impact on your emotional well-being, it is important to know how to stop. Below are 8 ways to stop ruminating on bad memories.
What Is Rumination
Rumination is repetitively dwelling on a negative thought, feeling, or event. This can include recent or past memories. When you ruminate, the focus is on continuously going over in your mind what occurred, rather than processing the experience or looking for solutions. For instance, you might obsessively go over a conversation you had with your boss that didn’t go well, or you may ruminate about the last fight you had before a bad break up. Oftentimes, these repetitive thoughts revolve around negative past events or traumas.
Rumination And Mental Health
While everyone might ruminate about a recent occurrence from time to time, ruminating on traumatic events or memories that occurred in the distant past can be related to some mental health conditions. If you experience depression, you may ruminate on not feeling like you are good enough, or that you will never feel better. These negative ruminations can increase symptoms of depression. Anxiety can lead to rumination about something bad happening such as a job loss, or physical illness. Those who experience posttraumatic stress disorder might ruminate about an intensely traumatic situation, experiencing it over and over again. Unfortunately, rumination can intensify negative thoughts and feelings and perpetuate anxiety, depression, and PTSD. Below are some things you can try to minimize ruminating on bad memories.
1. Practice Self Compassion
Self-compassion is about being kind and gentle with yourself. Instead of berating yourself for a mistake or a bad outcome, treat yourself with empathy and understanding. Treat yourself the way you would treat a close friend in the same situation. Say kind things to yourself and remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and it will be alright. Beating yourself up will often increase ruminating on bad memories, as you reinforce negative self-beliefs. If you are gentle and caring with yourself instead, it can allow you to stop ruminating and focus on ways to create a better outcome going forward.
2. Distract Yourself
When you notice yourself ruminating on bad memories, do something to distract yourself from your thoughts. The best way to do this is to participate in an activity that requires you to focus. You could talk to a friend, read a book, exercise, take a walk, listen to music, or try out a new recipe. If doing these things is not enough to keep the rumination at bay, you can try doing complicated math problems in your head, or reciting something you memorized. Distractions can give you a chance to take a break from focusing on your thoughts.
3. Practice Mindfulness
Practicing mindfulness can help you stop ruminating. Mindfulness refers to being perfectly present in the current moment without judgment. To practice mindfulness, it is important to engage all of your senses on the task at hand. Notice what you are touching, tasting, smelling, seeing, and hearing. It is normal for thoughts to come into your mind while you are practicing mindfulness. Instead of attaching to these thoughts, let them come and go and return your focus to engaging all of your senses. You can practice mindfulness with anything. Some common mindfulness activities include meditation, focusing on your breath, and getting out in nature.
4. Repeat A Mantra
Repeating a mantra can help drown out other thoughts so the focus shifts from ruminating, to the mantra. Therefore, it is helpful to say a mantra that resonates with you. You could repeat a phrase, such as thoughts are just thoughts. Repeat a saying that has special meaning to you, such as something a loved one would always say to you. Even repeating a word like stop over and over again can be enough to stop the negative thought loop. Your mantra doesn’t have to be fancy, it just has to be easy to repeat and enough to override the ruminating thoughts.
5. Schedule A Time To Think
Trying to ignore your thoughts altogether, can actually make them increase. Instead of avoiding your thoughts, schedule a time of day when you allow yourself to ruminate on bad memories. Make sure to limit this time to somewhere between ten and twenty minutes. When your ruminating time is over, have something planned to help you transition. If your thoughts come up outside of the scheduled time, picture a stop sign in your head and remind yourself that you can think about it during the scheduled time tomorrow. Instead of trying to avoid your thoughts, this enables you to set boundaries around ruminating.
6. Feel Your Feelings
Ruminating on bad memories brings up a lot of uncomfortable emotions. Avoiding your feelings about the memory increases negative emotions. While it can seem a little uncomfortable, allowing yourself to feel your feelings can decrease rumination. To do this, name the feeling and notice where you feel it in your body. Sit with the sensation and let it be. Spend about ten minutes sitting with your feelings and then transition by doing something that requires your focus. If you can do this daily, the negative feelings and the rumination should decrease.
7. Focus On The Context Of The Memory
Instead of ruminating on a bad memory, you can try focusing on the context around the memory. This way the focus isn’t on the sadness or embarrassment you felt, it is on what was happening during the memory. You can think about what the weather was like, what time of day it was, or who was there with you. Any non-emotional context that you focus on can help decrease the strong emotional reaction related to the memory, which can help decrease rumination as well.
8. Talk To Someone
When you ruminate on a bad memory, it can be difficult to stop the negative thought loop. Talking to someone about the memory can be enough to help stop the rumination. You can talk to a friend, a family member, or a therapist. Doing this can help you feel less alone. Verbalizing the memory can make it seem less scary. It can help you see it in a different context, which can decrease the negative emotions. If you can’t talk to someone about it, writing it down can also help you view it less emotionally.
If you find yourself ruminating on bad memories, try the tips above. Doing some of these things can help decrease the rumination. Therapy can help if the ruminating thoughts lead to symptoms of depression, anxiety, or PTSD. When you stop ruminating on bad memories, your emotional well-being can improve.
Feeling emotionally safe in your relationship creates a level of comfort that allows you to be open and vulnerable with your partner. You can feel safe to be yourself and to share who you are with your partner with little fear of rejection, or abandonment. Emotional safety is the foundation for a healthy relationship based on mutual respect and understanding. Below are seven ways to create emotional safety in your relationship.
What Is Emotional Safety
Emotional safety is a belief and feeling that you can be your authentic self in your relationship without fear of judgment or harm. This allows you to be vulnerable, open, and intimate with your partner and to freely express your thoughts and emotions. Emotional safety creates an atmosphere of unconditional acceptance. There is mutual respect, trust, and compassion within the relationship, even during times of conflict. Emotional safety is the basis for a securely attached relationship. When you feel emotionally safe in your relationship, you can be who you really are and say what you need to say.
Benefits Of Emotional Safety
There are a number of benefits that couples experience when there is emotional safety in their relationship. When you feel emotionally safe with your partner, it is easier to share deeply and be more vulnerable. This allows your partner to really know and understand who you are. Feeling heard and understood helps strengthen your connection and increases intimacy. When you feel accepted for who you are, you can feel empowered to try new things and take some risks. This helps you grow and change with your partner instead of growing apart. When emotional safety is lacking in your relationship, communication can be difficult, conflicts can increase, and it can be hard to trust each other. Here are some things you can do to increase emotional safety in your relationship.
1. Respect Boundaries
All relationships require boundaries in order to function effectively. Boundaries teach others how you expect to be treated and what your limits are. In order to create emotional safety in your relationship, it is important to respect your partner’s boundaries. For instance, if your partner asks you not to call them a certain nickname, and you stop doing it, you enhance the emotional safety in your relationship. When you feel that your boundaries will be respected by your partner, it is easier to establish healthy boundaries which can increase relationship satisfaction and decrease feelings of resentment.
2. Communicate Often
Effective communication can help relationships thrive. In an emotionally safe relationship, it is easier to talk to your partner about your concerns, struggles, and needs. This is because there is mutual respect and the belief that your partner wants to understand you on a deeper level. The more you communicate, the safer it becomes to communicate openly. When you share yourself, your feelings, and your grievances with your partner, they can feel safe doing the same with you. If there is a safe space to openly communicate in your relationship, it can feel more comfortable asking for what you need. Talking with your partner about anything and everything, makes it safer to talk about the important things.
3. Practice Active Listening
In order to create emotional safety around communication, it is important to practice active listening. Active listening requires you to listen to your partner in order to further your understanding. When you actively listen to your partner, it helps them feel both heard and understood. Active listening is about being fully present with your partner. This means putting away all distractions, making eye contact, and withholding judgment. Open-ended questions can be asked to help further your understanding and it is okay to reflect on what is being said by summarizing what you hear. When practicing active listening, it is necessary to pay attention to non-verbal cues along with what is being said.
4. Be More Vulnerable
Being truly vulnerable with someone can be a little scary. If your partner knows who you really are, what you think, and what you need, they can hurt you, or worse, reject you. It is normal to want to hold back in order to protect yourself. However, it is impossible to feel loved and accepted if you are not being your authentic self. The more vulnerable and open you can be in your relationship, the more emotionally safe you can feel. Although vulnerability is always a risk, you can start small by honestly sharing your needs, wants, and desires with your partner. If you feel hurt by something your partner says or does, tell them this instead of holding back. Give your partner a chance to accept you, warts and all.
5. Respond With Empathy
When your partner opens up and shares with you, responding with empathy can go a long way towards creating emotional safety in your relationship. Empathy refers to understanding and having compassion for what another is experiencing from their perspective, not your own. Empathy requires you to listen without judgment and focus on the way your partner is feeling about what they are sharing. When you respond with empathy, you want to validate your partner’s experience at the feeling level. Saying things like, “that sounds hard”, or “I can see that this was upsetting”, lets your partner know that you understand what they are going through. Instead of trying to fix things, responding with empathy enables you to really get to know who your partner is.
6. Express Gratitude
It feels good when you know your partner appreciates you. Expressing gratitude in your relationship can help increase emotional safety. Expressing gratitude to your partner lets you share what you appreciate about your partner. This helps shift the focus from the things that aren’t going well, to the more positive things. You can write your partner a thank you note, verbally express your appreciation, or let them know what you like about their personality or character. When you express gratitude, it is important to explain why you are grateful. Doing this provides context that helps your brain accept and process the compliment, and makes you want to repeat the action. Expressing gratitude to your partner makes both of you feel good which enhances emotional safety in your relationship.
7. Show Support
You can feel emotionally safe in your relationship when you know that you have a supportive partner. Showing support to your partner can include expressing physical affection, letting your partner vent to you, and taking some of the burden off of your partner by doing more around the house. In a relationship, expecting equality at all times isn’t realistic. If you are sick, lose your job, or you are caring for a struggling loved one, you want your partner to be there to support you and pick up the slack. Without this support, things can feel overwhelming. In order to create more emotional safety in your relationship, you need to show your partner that you are there for them when they need help.
Creating emotional safety in your relationship can help enhance your couple connection. If you are lacking that feeling of emotional safety, you can try the above tips, or couples counseling. When you feel emotionally safe with your partner, you can feel comfortable being yourself, knowing that you are accepted and valued because of who you are.
Being diagnosed with a chronic illness can impact your life in many ways. Along with the physical struggles, there are often emotional and relationship challenges as well. Although living with a chronic condition can be challenging, there are things you can do to help lessen some of the negative effects on other parts of your life.
What Is A Chronic Illness
A chronic illness is a condition that lasts for a long period of time, at least a year, and often cannot be cured, but can be controlled. Chronic illnesses such as asthma, cancer, diabetes, and autoimmune diseases can have a big impact on your daily life. Managing a chronic illness can require changes to your daily routine and way of living. Chronic illnesses are the leading cause of death and disability in the United States, with nearly 50 percent of Americans living with a chronic disease.
How Does A Chronic Illness Impact Your Daily Life
Living with a chronic illness can impact your daily life in a number of ways. Managing your condition can require many doctor visits, causing you to miss work, or social engagements. Medications and treatments that are needed to manage your illness can cause unwanted side effects that can lead to fatigue and moodiness. This can make it difficult to complete your daily chores and rituals as easily as you could before the illness. You may need to rely more on family and friends for help and assistance with tasks that you could easily complete in the past. Your symptoms may be fine one day, and debilitating the next day which can cause you to feel a lack of control over your day to day existence.
How Does A Chronic Illness Impact Your Physical Health
There are many ways that a chronic illness can affect you physically. Many illnesses cause symptoms such as pain and fatigue. Being in constant pain, or experiencing fatigue makes it difficult to function effectively and enjoy your life. Sometimes the symptoms of a chronic illness can include physical disabilities and vision and hearing loss. These symptoms can greatly impact your quality of life. Necessary medications can have a number of side effects that can be hard to deal with. It can also be difficult to get quality sleep, leading to constant fatigue. You may notice that your stamina and muscle strength decrease, as a consequence of your chronic illness.
How Does A Chronic Illness Impact Your Mental Health
Chronic illnesses can have a negative impact on your mental health as well. You may experience an increase in symptoms of depression as you are no longer able to do some of the things you used to enjoy. This can lead to withdrawal and isolation which can further increase symptoms of depression. Anxiety is also common with some chronic conditions, as you may worry about having an attack, or the disease progressing. Side effects of your illness and its treatment can also exacerbate symptoms of anxiety and depression. Having a chronic illness can lead to inflammation and changes in hormones and neurotransmitters, which can increase depression and anxiety. The emotional and physical stress associated with being diagnosed with a chronic condition can lead to some struggles with your mental health.
How Does A Chronic Illness Impact Your Relationships
Having a chronic illness can cause issues in your relationships. Pain and other effects of a chronic condition can cause you to socialize less often than you used to. This can make it difficult to maintain friendships. Managing your illness can leave little time to participate in your hobbies and engage with others outside of work. Your intimate partner may need to take on more of a caregiving role, which can impact your connection and the way you view one another. Household responsibilities can fall more to your partner, which may lead to resentment. Romantic and sexual interest can diminish because of your disease, creating distance and disconnection with your partner.
What Can Help
Although living with a chronic condition can be challenging, there are things that can help. You can focus on self-care activities such as eating healthy meals, exercising, and getting the rest you need, which can help increase your energy and decrease some of the pain and fatigue. Reach out to friends and family for help with chores and for emotional support, to ease some of your burden. Discuss your needs and limitations with your partner. Spend quality time together where the focus is on each other, not the illness. Prioritize your mental health by joining a support group to share your experiences with others that can understand. Attend therapy to address symptoms of anxiety and depression and to process the struggles involved with living with a chronic illness.
Having a chronic illness can affect your life in a number of different ways. It doesn’t just affect you physically, your mental health and relationships can also be impacted. If you are struggling with your mental health or relationship after being diagnosed with a chronic illness, therapy can help. With proper support, you can effectively manage the impact of your condition, both physically and emotionally.
It can be quite distressing to suspect that a loved one may be having suicidal thoughts. You may want to talk to them and try to help, but aren’t quite sure what to do. While you may not have all of the answers, opening up a dialogue, finding resources, and showing support can make all the difference. Below are 6 tips to support someone who is suicidal.
1. Know The Warning Signs
While it can be difficult to know if someone is contemplating suicide, there are common warning signs to look for. Someone who has made a previous suicide attempt or has experienced a traumatic event, or loss may be more likely to consider suicide. If your loved one has become withdrawn and isolated and avoids spending time with others, this can be a sign that they are having suicidal thoughts. Sleeping more or less than usual, or eating more or less than normal can be warning signs. Experiencing mood swings or changes in behavior, such as becoming more agitated or aggressive, may suggest your loved one is suicidal. When your loved one talks about feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness or that everyone would be better off without them, they might be thinking about suicide. Finally, if they begin giving their things away and have a dramatic shift from a severely depressed mood to an unusually happy mood, they may be planning a suicide attempt.
2. Start A Conversation
If you think that your loved one is having suicidal thoughts, it is important to talk to them about it. While having suicidal thoughts does not necessarily mean that they are going to attempt suicide, opening up the conversation can help them feel supported and understood, and may just save their life. Although it can be hard to know exactly what to say, pointing out the warning signs you’ve noticed can be a good place to start. You can point out that you have noticed that they seem sad and have been spending more time alone. This can help open up the conversation so they can safely and freely talk about their situation.
3. Ask Direct Questions
Once the conversation has started, feel free to ask more direct questions. You can ask them directly if they have thought about hurting themselves. Asking about suicide and whether or not they have a plan, can provide you with important information about your loved one. While some believe that talking about suicide might put the idea in their loved one’s head, this in fact is not true. Having an open dialogue about this subject gives them a chance to open up about their thoughts and feelings. By being direct yourself, you may encourage your loved one to openly share their struggles as well.
4. Listen Without Judgment
When they do start opening up, make sure to listen to try to understand, without judgment. Although it may be difficult to learn that your loved one is thinking about suicide, tell them that you will listen. Encourage them to share more, and let them know that you are there for them. You don’t have to understand exactly what they are experiencing to show empathy and support. Let them know that they are not alone and that they can talk to you. It is more helpful to listen than to give advice or try to talk them out of their feelings. However, you can offer to help them find more support.
5. Help Them Find Support
If your loved one is thinking about suicide, they may be feeling overwhelmed and could find it difficult to look for help. This is something that you can help them with. You can help them find a mental health professional and take them to their appointment if they are nervous about going alone. If they need to tell other family members or friends about what they are experiencing, you can offer to be there for support. You can give them the number to the national suicide hotline, 988, and call or text it with them. If you are concerned for their immediate safety, you can take them to the emergency room, or call 911. Even if you help them find other support, make sure you check in on them often.
6. Create A Safety Plan
Another way to help a loved one that is thinking about suicide, is to create a safety plan with them. A suicide safety plan is a written set of instructions for your loved one to follow if suicidal thoughts or ideation increase. List out the warning signs that you and your loved one notice when symptoms of depression or suicidal thoughts tend to get worse. For instance, a warning sign could be isolating and not taking care of themselves. Include things they can do to help calm down. They might exercise, listen to music, or belly breathe. Help them create a list of reasons to live. Such as, their pets or family. This list should also include things they are looking forward to in the future, like a trip or finishing school. Finally, include numbers of trusted family, friends, professionals, and hotlines like 988 that they can call if they need additional support. At the end of the safety plan you can add to call 911 if they are still feeling unsafe. While a safety plan is not a guarantee, it does provide a step-by-step plan to follow if suicidal thoughts increase.
If you are worried that a loved one may be suicidal, try to start a conversation using the above tips. Helping someone through this type of crisis can be mentally and emotionally difficult, so remember to practice good self-care. Although you can’t fix things for your loved one, you can be there for them and help them find the resources they need.
